I’ve often wondered if there are any places of this world that have been left unexplored. Every once in a while, that curious side of me supplants the cynic in me, and my split personalities just have this grand old debate about whether or not such wonderment can be captured again. Welp – looks like my curious side has prevailed, as explorers do still exist, and they’ve made their way to Honduras.
Via the Vancouver Sun – “Legend has it that the locals fled Honduras’ City of the Monkey God in the 16th century fearing that it had been cursed with disease.
Five-hundred years later, a group of explorers excavating the lost city became the latest victims to incur the wrath of the monkey god when they nearly lost their faces to a flesh-eating parasite.
“The parasite migrates to the mucous membranes of your mouth and your nose and basically eats them away,” Doug Preston, an author who documented the trip, said. “Your nose falls off, your lips fall off, and eventually your face becomes a gigantic, open sore.”
The group, made up of American and Honduran explorers and archeologists, announced they found the lost city, also known as the Ciudad Blanca or the White City, in 2015. The city earned its name, according to American explorer Theodore Morde, because of indigenous legends stating it contained a giant buried statue of a monkey god. Morde claimed to be the first to find the lost city after returning from an expedition, but died before he could return.
Other legends speak of it as a “white house” or “place of cacao” from which no one has returned, according to National Geographic.”
I’m sorry – is this news? Or, is this Indiana Jones? I just want to say – I know primitive people do primitive people things, but if you’re worshipping a Monkey God, you might want to brace yourself for disease. That’s just the way shit goes in the animal kingdom. Or, you know what – maybe understand that you’re bargaining with a monkey….and if that monkey just suddenly decides to curse your entire city with disease, you have to be prepared to handle those consequences.
So, I made it this far in the article before my fascination with exploring was killed off immediately. If that’s what’s waiting for me in the unexplored world, then the unexplored world can fuck right off. I’m content with Google images and reading stories on the Vancouver Sun. You guys can have all that fun without me.
A flesh-eating parasite that gnaws away at your face from the inside out? Nope – nope nope nope nope. Give me my bubble. Or, hell, guys, it’s 2017 – why not send a drone in there first?
“…the explorers nearly fell victim to the lethally poisonous snakes infesting the area. When a pit viper called the fer de lance made its way into their camp under the cover of darkness, a jungle warfare expert snapped into action.
“He pinned the snake,” Steve Elkins, one of the explorers, told CBS News. “But the snake exploded at that point into an absolute fury of striking everywhere, squirting venom, streams of venom across the night air.”
Between the thick cover of vegetation, disease and venomous snakes, it would seem the monkey god was striking back at the outsiders for their attempts to find the long-lost city.
In reality, the curse and resulting exodus from the White City coincide with a Spanish invasion in the 1500s that brought with them a wave of both slavery and disease. Before Preston and his crew discovered the city, it had remained one of the last unexplored places on the planet.”
No doubt in my mind I would be dead within an hour of landing in this place. Absolutely no doubt whatsoever. I might not even make it off the helicopter. First of all, I’d faint at the sight of a pit viper. That thing would bite my unconscious body and if I survived that, I’d turn into a giant open sore.
I’m imagining this is a lot like the pit scene in 2005’s King Kong – where all kinds of violent, disgusting-looking creatures are jumping out of every hole in the ground just eating everyone in sight.
I’m actually hoping I haven’t angered the Monkey God just by writing this. I’ll let y’all know if my face is gone within the next week.
“Preston knows there are more secrets held within the White City’s ruins but after nearly losing his face, he doubts that it’s possible to go back and continue the excavation.”
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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