Credit to Fox 31 Denver – “A woman set up a date at a Washington state hotel Sunday night with the intent of killing a man she met online and eating his heart, police said.
The suspect later told Lynnwood detectives that the gruesome plan was just one step in her bid to become a serial killer, according to police.
Okay – so, isn’t this what we teach our children? You can be anything you want as long as you work hard! Set goals and cross ’em off as you achieve them! I can just see this woman’s to-do list…
HOW TO BECOME A SERIAL KILLER
1. Kill a dude and eat his heart.
2. Kill more dudes and eat their hearts.
Police arrested the suspect, a 24-year-old woman, on suspicion of first-degree attempted murder after she allegedly stabbed the 29-year-old victim in the chest, puncturing his lung, according to KCPQ-TV.
The victim, who police met at a nearby Walgreen’s after receiving a 911 call, told officers he had met the woman on Craigslist through a post seeking dating, not sex.
Riiiiiiiiiiight. Right…..home boy met the woman he contacted THROUGH CRAIGSLIST….AT A HOTEL……even with a fucking knife in your chest, trying to do damage control. I get it, though. You know this is going to be on the news. You don’t want your reputation getting out of hand. Sure, you’re now “the guy who got stabbed while trying to bone Craigslist women,” but at least now people know you were looking for love. NOT SEX. DEFINITELY NOT SEX.
After meeting in person, the pair ended up booking a room at the Rodeo Inn in Lynnwood.
Here’s a quick word of advice: nothing good ever happens at a fucking RODEO INN. I’m not going to go so far as to say this guy had it coming, but come on – you’re meeting someone off of Craigslist at a Rodeo Inn. That should at least warrant one red flag.
The man told police the woman asked him several times if he was a serial killer. He told her “No,” and she climbed on top of him and said, “Well I am a serial killer” as she grabbed a pocket knife, according to court documents.
The woman then stabbed him in the chest, according to police, before he eventually broke free, got out of the room and dialed 911 from the hotel office. The victim told police that he had a difficult time fighting her off because of her weight.
Gotta throw that cheap shot in there, huh? I mean, go for it – it’s not like you’re going to heal up, and go beat her up after you get out of the hospital. She gon’ be in jail. So, make sure she knows that you disapprove of her actions by calling her fat to the media.
According to police, the suspect said “I’m a loon” when they asked what happened, and said she wanted to become a serial killer and planned to stab the victim to death.
“I’m a loon” sounds JUST like something a serial killer would say, so at least she’s got the whole shtick down.
She said she planned to eat the victim’s heart after she killed him, and said she had already written a note to leave on his body explaining that she planned to kill again, according to police.
A judge on Tuesday set bail at $1 million.”
This lady had a plan – and she damn near executed it. She’s like the Buffalo Bills of serial killers. Still, too much of an amateur. How do you go into this with a damn pocket knife? Have you never watched a scary movie? Shit.
#BeBetter
You know where I think she made her biggest mistake? She spoke about The Quest too much. And, if there’s anything that acclaimed 2011 film Your Highness taught us, it’s that you never talk about The Quest.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoMEtsCTtR0]
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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