I can’t recall the exact episode, but we have talked for hours on end about this issue. Kids get kids meals with kids toys in them, but no one has been willing to step up and think about adults’ needs. I mean, it’s borderline discrimination at this point, slowly beginning to boil to the point of open revolution. Grown ass people want their greasy fast food and subsequent gaseous sex all in one sitting.
It’s one-stop shopping – a real time saver for the contemporary busy adult. And, really – it makes a lot of sense. Who has time to eat right, prep a meal, and have meaningful romantic sex anymore? Just slather a burger in ketchup, and let me spank a little bottom while at it. Spend 15 minutes tops and I’ve saved all that time for activities.
Well, finally, Burger King is stepping up to take care of horny adults that frequent their establishments (in Israel).
Shout out to the BBC, y’all – “Burger King has unveiled a new “adult” meal, which comes with a free adult toy.
A promotion for the offer, which can only be redeemed on Valentine’s Day, has appeared on YouTube.
The adult toys on offer include a pink frilly blindfold, a black feather tickler and a head massager.
Okay, so – that head massager, though – that ain’t too sexual. Am I allowed to buy this meal just for the calming nature of this product? Same with the blindfold – that’s going to help me sleep! But, the feather tickler….well, hehe….we all know what’s going down with the feather tickler. Those things were MADE for a couple of nipples and set of balls. Few things in the adult toy realm are as explicitly sexual as the feather tickler.
Before you and your partner rush out for a saucy Whopper, though, the promotion is only available in Israel.
It’s a campaign that seems to be aimed at people who forgot to book a candelit dinner for two.
Uhhhhh – what? Don’t make this seem like there aren’t people out there who have always fantasized about doing the no-pants dance in a bed full of Whoppers and Chicken Fries. That’s exactly who’s going to be enjoying this meal.
The deal features two burgers, two fries, two beers and, of course, the toy.
As if this deal couldn’t get any gassier, they’ve added beer to it. Shit.
Burger King isn’t the only fast food company trying to do something different this Valentine’s Day.
Branches of Hooters in the US are offering 10 free chicken wings to people who’ve been scorned by a former lover.
They’ve even opened the offer to takeaway customers who don’t want to eat in their “world famous breastaurant”.
The only catch? You have to bring in a photo of your ex so they can shred it.”
Look at Hooter’s being petty as hell, promoting revenge and negativity. Good on Burger King for keeping this positive and thinking about ways for people (in Israel) to get their sex on.
But, let’s not get carried away with this, okay? It’s not like they’re loading up sacks with jackhammer dildos and openly promoting an evening full of fisting. This is pretty tame as far as adult toys go. Give me a call when Taco Bell starts tossing anal beads in with a Nachos Bell Grande. Let me know when KFC slathers a butt plug in honey mustard and serves it up on a platter of pickles. That last one may be a bit too….progressive? I think ‘progressive’ is the appropriate term there.
Regardless, it’s still a start – a start that is undoubtedly appeasing those of us who have been on the ‘adult meal’ crusade from the start. I just wish they had called it ‘The Sex Meal.’
Now, ladies (of Israel only, of course) – you know. You’ve got to give a Whopper to get a whopper.
HEYO – Big Natural out.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork
