You never disrespect the pizza!! #PizzaLoverpic.twitter.com/ONLcLEQ6yV
— Fish (@bla_blu_blew) April 4, 2017
First things first, I’m not going to call this a ‘serial killer’ move. I would say a serial killer move would be walking into a Little Caesar’s and asking for a hot n’ ready pepperoni without the cheese. That might tip me off to not engage with said individual.
That being said, should this photo cause the outrage that it has? Yes. Absolutely. Think of all the things that can go horribly wrong. I mean, most importantly, all of the cheese on your pizza is going to stick right to the top of the box. You’re going to end up with a dried pie of bread, sauce, and the cardboard bits that have greased off the box and congealed into your pizza. GROSS.
Also, gravity is going to cause the pizza to mush up on one side of the box. All of the grease is going to run to the bottom, and you’ll not only have a half-dry, half-super-greasy pizza. You’ll have a hell of a mess in the bag. Grease will get all over your hands, and subsequently, all over your clothes. Everywhere. It’s just a nightmare.
So, what gives – is this person potentially stupid? Maybe. Maybe this person does not understand physics. It could be that this person is about to learn a very difficult yet valuable life lesson.
Also, why I say this person isn’t a serial killer. Even serial killers understand how to transport pizza…because they are usually pretty intelligent people.
But, back to my point, you’d have to be incredibly dumb to do this unknowingly.
So, my theory – this person knew the uproar they’d cause and is clearly trying to signal for help. Something is not right here. Maybe this person is being held against their will and is trying to tell the general public around them, “Look at this fucking pizza. Do you think everything is alright here? SOS. SOS. SOS.”
But, because we’ve done nothing but berate this person, they’re probably dead in the trunk of a car somewhere. All we did was ridicule the manner in which they were carrying their pizza. We shared our grief over the desecration of this fine delicacy instead of stopping to take a moment and say, “guys – this person’s life is more important than that pizza.” Now, we may never know what was really going on here. Because this person could be dead.
Way to go, Twitter. This one’s on you.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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