I haven’t frequented too many strip clubs in my days, so maybe I don’t know the ropes too well. But, I can’t imagine that you’d want to eat anything that had been prepped in a strip club kitchen. Either someone messed up, or ‘Diarrhea Night’ was a horribly deployed gimmick straight out of the Minor League Baseball playbook.
Regardless, someone wasn’t thinking things through too well…
Courtesy of the Border Herald:
According to reports by local media, the strip club was nearly full on Friday night when the incident occurred, and both staff and customers were reported to have eaten from the free buffet, which included the usual selection of ribs, chicken, and deep-fried shrimp.
I’m just taking a break from this story for a split second to speak to all of my friends out there. If I ever get to a point in my life when I’m eating any sort of shrimp from a strip club buffet, please hold an intervention. Something would definitely be wrong.
Patrons at the venue who were sitting near the stage were the most directly affected by incident, which occurred close to 11pm. According to a witness at the venue, three dancers were performing on separate poles when the first sign of trouble emerged.
Damn! This didn’t even happen after midnight?!?! That must have been some incredibly rancid shrimp. Most of the patrons probably weren’t even drunk yet – and you know that’s going to affect how you process the unfolding events. If you’re piss drunk, you’re more likely to laugh it off. If you’re still sober, this is the part where you’re questioning your life decisions. Plus, you’re definitely going to remember this.
“At first I picked up a bad smell; I thought maybe the guy next to me had farted,” said the witness, who declined to be named. “However, the smell got worse and I noticed that a lot of other guys were looking around to see what it was.”
It was at this point that the first dancer to suffer from diarrhea was unable to control her bowels any longer, and ‘a stream of brown liquid soon gushed over the stage’, according to the witness. “It was absolutely disgusting,” he told journalists. “A number of guests immediately puked. I personally ran for the exit, I lost all interest in the show.”
Yep – this witness has real detective skills. You smell something slightly disturbing for a few seconds, it’s safe to assume someone farted. If that smell lingers, or actually worsens, and you notice everyone else looking around in a panic, it’s shit. Someone has shat their drawers.
But, what the hell were the journalists thinking here? What did they ask to warrant an ‘absolutely disgusting’ response. I hope someone actually asked, “so, what did you think of the gushing diarrhea on stage?” That’s what good journalists do, I guess. Don’t assume anything. Maybe it wasn’t all that bad.
The whole front row puking, people running for the doors, it’s like the start of the zombie apocalypse.
The other dancers on stage also suffered from diarrhea soon after and were forced to abandon their performance. “They had a hard time getting off the stage,” said one witness, who stayed to watch the aftermath of the incident. “High heels and diarrhea really don’t mix.”
Yeah, and if you read the full story, you’ll discover that people were shitting in the sinks. It’s full on pandemonium. Just pure disaster – and all because someone trotted out spoiled shrimp to the strip club buffet, and people actually ate it.
This is something I just don’t understand – what about being at the strip club makes you want to eat? How can you stuff your face watching naked women dance? Doesn’t that feel disgusting? I had a couple of beers the last time I went, and it made me a little gassy. I felt so ashamed of myself for having to burp. It just seems like it takes a special type of disgusting to load up on ribs and toss dollars soaked in barbecue sauce onstage.
You would think the veteran strippers would know better, but hey – what do I know about being a stripper? They could live off of strip club buffets for all I know.
The worst/best part of this story is that I imagine diarrhea stripping would have some sort of niche market. But, if you’re going to spray literal shit all over the place, you have to advertise it. Otherwise, it’s just a bad look. I can’t imagine this Jacksonville strip club is going to come back from this one.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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