South Carolina is truly a lovely place. I’ve never been, but it was good enough for Steve Spurrier, so that makes it good enough for me in my book. And, really just looking at this picture alone, it’s a truly delightful corner of Earth. What’s that you say? This house is actually for sale??? Wee-he-heeeellll, let’s have us a looksy.
A recent house listing on Zillow in South Carolina is gaining attention for its mystery occupant upstairs that agents are telling potential buyers “don’t bother asking” about the occupant living upstairs rent-free.
Should someone buy the home in Cayce, a city near Colombia, the listing says that person assumes responsibility for the tenant upstairs.
Is this person a baby? That’s my first question – whoever buys this house “assumes responsibility” for the tenant. Can you just assume responsibility for people? What all does said responsibility entail? Do you have to buy them food? Do you have to file their taxes for them? Do you have to read them bed time stories every night?
I’m more disturbed by this vague generality than I am the fact that there’s some unknown person living in my house.
It specifically states: “Upstairs apartment cannot be shown under any circumstances. Buyer assumes responsibility for the month-to-month tenancy in the upstairs apartment. Occupant has never paid, and no security deposit is being held, but there is a lease in place. (Yes, it does not make sense, please don’t bother asking.)”
The single-family home appears to be a diamond in the rough, as the listing states — a two-bedroom house with a separate cottage.
The property is being sold “as-is” with no repairs, no clean-up and no warranties expressed or implied.
According to the post, there is a mysterious tenant who lives upstairs from you that never pays rent and the owner has never seen.
I don’t know. To me, I read this and think, “man – I have a girlfriend in the music industry. She works shows late into the evening sometimes. Maybe it’d be nice to never have to worry about lonely nights? I’d always have company!”
But, me being the investigative journalist that I am, I have to posit who I think this mystery occupant is. Using my well-honed detective skills, I’ve narrowed my list down to the following three people:
1. Steve Spurrier – You can’t post Spurrier’s whereabouts online in South Carolina. Just can’t – do you know how many people would flock to that location? If there are millions of people in South Carolina, then millions of people would show up. It would be like Palmetto Graceland.
2. The Undertaker – I feel like “mystery occupant” could be code for “mystery opponent” as an ode to the world of professional wrestling. Trust me – I’ve seen The Da Vinci Code. I know how to navigate my share of secret codes. The Undertaker lost to Roman Reigns at Wrestlemania 33 and rode off into the sunset….right into the upstairs apartment of this nice little cottage in South Carolina.
3. D.B. Cooper – Well, you tell me – they never found the motherfucker, did they?
Definitely one of those three.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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