Anthem: @FaithHill
Towels: @TheTimMcGraw #StanleyCup pic.twitter.com/1XsOm9cVrK— NHL (@NHL) June 12, 2017
Important question for us to ask as investigative journalists today. This photo was snapped during Sunday’s Game 6 in the Stanley Cup Final. Tim McGraw appears to be enthusiastic in his role as the Nashville Predators’ ceremonial towel-waver. I, however, see a couple of concerning signs and I think we need to talk about it.
Now, I know this is how rumors get started – just ask Richard Simmons if he ever gets a moment free of his captors. But, I think we’ve done more than enough in our two years as writers to prove how responsible we are as reporters. We wouldn’t just put something like this out there without just cause.
Some of you may know McGraw as the guy who sings “I Like It, I Love It, I Want Some More of It” whenever the Preds score a goal in Bridgestone Arena. I think he also has a day job in the music business somewhere – maybe in management – but, most notably, he’s famous for singing the Preds scoring song. He’s married to Faith Hill, best known for singing the theme song for Sunday Night Football.
Anyway, on to my theory here.
First and foremost, McGraw is aging almost too well. It’s not normal. I haven’t gotten a close enough look at his skin to tell whether it’s definitely plastic or not. I’ve watched the broadcast several times, but that’s the only data set I have to go by. I just think it’s normal for a 50-year old man to look like he’s 50 years old. That’s all. If you hit 50 and still look like you could put on a uniform and go slug home runs for the Nashville Sounds, I’m going to start asking questions. I’m as woke as woke can get – I notice these things. McGraw looks the exact same today as he did in 1995. The only plausible explanation is that this figure we saw waving a towel at Bridgestone Arena is a wax dummy inhabited by a life form from another dimension. Need more proof? Read on.
Second, he is wearing a fucking turtleneck….in Nashville….in June. What are you trying to hide your throat from, Tim? Do you want to suffer heat exhaustion in the streets of Nashville? Because that’s how you suffer heat exhaustion in the streets of Nashville.
Finally, the whites of his eyes are gone in this photo. Some might say this is the most alarming aspect of this photo, but I disagree. I think it’s definitely more alarming to wear a turtleneck in the Tennessee summer than it is to have completely black eyes, and apparently no teeth either. How has every media outlet in Nashville failed to pick up on this??? It’s astonishing – but rest assured, your boys here at The SoBros Network aren’t just your average dumb sheeple.
I’m on to you, Tim….or whatever “you” are.
Again, I’d like to reiterate – I don’t want to put anything too drastic or unbelievable out there. But, I think we at least need to address the possibility that McGraw died years ago and an alien has taken over his body.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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