The Story of How Dennis Kelly Became This Blog’s Favorite Tennessee Titan

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It all started a little over a year ago for me. I was working a different desk job, and my bud (who shall remain nameless but happens to be a huge Philadelphia Eagles fan) says to me, “congrats, Stones – you just got the sexiest lesbian in the NFL on your team.”

At first, I’m thinking, “what the fuck are you talking about, [NAME OF BUD]?”

Then, he links me to this Barstool Sports post (shout out to Smitty, one of the underrated cogs in that Barstool machine) about offensive lineman Dennis Kelly being traded to the Titans for Dorial Green-Beckham. I see this image:

And, I immediately crack up. I admit – I didn’t think this was big news, but I also wasn’t familiar with Kelly’s body of work. Then, all he did was come to the Titans and bolster one of the best offensive lines in the NFL. He’s versatile, can line up anywhere he’s needed, and play serviceably.

Getting Kelly in Nashville also meant no more dealing with DGB and his inability to live up to his potential! So, without playing a down, I already loved the move.

Plus, the dude is apparently a HUGE wrestling fan, so that’s going to win points with this team. Just seems like an all-around cool guy.

The 2016 season came and went, and Kelly did a fine job filling in along the offensive line. Hadn’t really thought too much about him since then…which….actually sounds normal. Like, it would be weird if I had thought a lot about Dennis Kelly since football season…soo….yeah, as I’m typing this out, it’s starting to feel weird. Anyway…

So, I attended last Sunday’s Titans-Bears game with Cadbury, and we’re watching fans throw footballs through giant truck tires for a chance to win some prize. Naturally, the gears in our comedic minds are always turning, and Cadbury says, “we need to do a video spoof of a contest like this but give away a really shitty prize.” I laugh because it’s a great idea, but we’ve also been drinking beers, it’s hot as hell, and I am starting to think, “holy shit – how am I going to recap this if I’m not even paying attention to the game?” But, in the back of my head, I’m still searching for ideas.

At one point, Kelly came into the game and reported as an eligible receiver (again, the hoss is versatile), so I say to Cadbury, “uh oh – the sexiest lesbian in the NFL is in!” And, he just looks at me, befuddled. So, I explain the joke to him and show him the picture I shared with you all earlier. We laughed hysterically, and that was that.

But, then something magical happened.

It just clicked in my mind. I lean over to Cadbury and say, “that’s our contest prize. Throw this football through a tire for a chance to win a shower with Dennis Kelly.” We both laughed until we were red in the face, and upon realizing we were both sitting in a cesspool of swamp ass, soaked from head to toe in sweat, we left the game, got a tugboat to honk its horn, and went to play video games at HQ.

And, so, #71 has won his way into our hearts forever. I’ve ordered my #71 shirsey. Now, we just need to figure out how to get him to take a shower with one of our contest winners.

Sure, if he ever read this, there’s a chance he would pancake our candy asses, but thankfully, no one ever reads this shitty blog on Fridays.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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