Nature is a wondrous creature. I mean, you can really get lost in its majesty. Stop and think about it. We live on a giant rock floating through space that is covered in blue liquid and all this green stuff that grows out of the rock and dirt. There’s this blazing ball of Hell right down the galaxy that emits light and heat and all that shit. Just the fact that we exist is astonishing.
Sometimes, a new story comes a long that brings that wonder back to me. Today, I’ve encountered such a story.
Courtesy of National Geographic:
WATER BOATMAN
This insect the size of a rice grain is the loudest animal relative to body weight.
A world citizen, the tiny water boatman chirps by rubbing its penis across its ridged belly. At 105 decibels, the bug’s noise clocks in just louder than a motorcycle. (Related: World’s Loudest Animals – Bug With ‘Singing’ Penis, More)
Sounds a lot like a violin, right? This bug is essentially the Charlie Daniels of the animal kingdom. A fiddlin’ fiend….except it’s not actually a fiddle. It’s a penis. I know it’s a bug penis, but it still has to be incredibly misshapen to make such a noise. I understand that I’m a human, but if I rub my penis across anything, at most, it’s just going to make a painful screeching noise. And that depends solely on the tackiness of the surface on which I’m dragging my penis. In short, I guess what I’m trying to say is just, “shout out to this bug.” You’re a real modern marvel of science.
Listen, let’s be honest here. There are all kinds of tricks you can do with your penis: the cheeseburger, the Eiffel Tower, the snail….all these things. “The Violin” has to rank atop the list. I mean, think about it. No other trick produces the sweet sounds of classical music.
There’s also a ‘skin flute’ joke in here somewhere, but I’m on my lunch break and don’t have time to seek it out.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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