Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
Fourth winning week in a row, people. But, don’t get it twisted. There’s still plenty of work to do this season. I’ll take a winning season no matter what, sure, but that aside, 56% is still my worst winning season. Like, one bad week could send me in a tailspin, and I’ve said it a million times in this column: we don’t want to relive 2016. Talkin’ about butt chugging and sleeping in the Cumberland. Just a real dark place for YABOI. So, let’s not do that.
Instead, let’s just keep this train rolling and look at this week’s line. We’re getting down to crunch time in the college football, and the NFL is about at the midway point. It’s hard to believe how fast this season is flying by, but shit – here we are whether we like it or not.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Northwestern -4.5 vs. Purdue – You might not realize it, but after four wins in a row, the Northwestern Wildcats are the hottest team in the Big Ten not named Wisconsin. This team still has a shot at 10 wins, so they’re playing for a lot. I like the improvement Purdue has shown, but they’re too inconsistent for me to like in this spot.
NFL: New York Jets -2.5 @ Tampa Bay – No Jameis Winston -or- Mike Evans for a team that was already one of the worst in the league. I know teams typically rally in these spots, but let’s be real – the Bucs have nothing to rally for. The Jets have plenty to play for, so they can’t let this one slip away.
NCAAF: Florida Atlantic -5.5 @ Louisiana Tech – Lane Kiffin’s Boca Raton Sex Owls are steamrolling the rest of C-USA. Since the Bulldogs aren’t the team they were a season ago, I’m taking FAU big here. I expect their running back to have five touchdowns. Just can’t remember his name and it’s a shame nothing exists for me to simply look it up quickly…
NFL: New England -7.5 @ Denver – The Pats have really found their footing in this 2017 season at the same time the Broncos are pretty well unraveling. I expect the Pats to win comfortably in prime time.
NCAAF: Georgia -2.5 @ Auburn – The Tigers still have a shot at making the playoffs, and this has all the makings of a chaotic trap game for the Bulldogs. But, I still like them too much not to take them at -2.5. I’m not ready to buy in on the pandemonium just because it’s possible.
Last Week: (4-1)
On the Season: (31-24-1) – 56%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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