Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
Another winning weekend makes my fourth or fifth in a row. I can’t really remember, but we’re ridin’ this wave to profitability, people. If you’ve stuck with me this season, you’ve won money! Now may be the time to get out, though. The spreads this week are junky af, and I had trouble just coming up with what’s on this week’s docket.
But, you know what, man – I’m the type of guy who’s going to give it a go no matter what. All this talk of Jon Gruden being the greatest coach in the history of football has me riled up and ready to win. It’s all a matter of perception, right? Just like Gruden likes every player on the field each and every Monday night, I like picking fucking football games. So, let’s do this, people!
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NFL: Philadelphia -3.5 @ Dallas – This is a tough spot for Dallas. They looked awful against the Falcons, and the best defense is coming to town on Sunday Night Football. With the offensive line playing like shit and Ezekiel Elliot’s absence being felt painfully, I like the Eagles big in this spot. They are the best team in the NFL so far.
NCAAF: NC State +1.5 @ Wake Forest – The Demon Deacons aren’t going to be a tough out, and maybe the Wolfpack will be a bit deflated knowing there’s no chance for them to get back in the ACC hunt. But, I still think they’re the more talented team. It may not be a blowout, but I’m more than happy to take +1.5.
NFL: Los Angeles Rams +2.5 @ Minnesota – If I like the Rams outright here, why wouldn’t I take ’em at +2.5….simple enough. I’m still not sold on the Vikes, and I’m certainly hoping they don’t prove me wrong this week.
NCAAF: West Virginia -3.5 vs. Texas – Morgantown is a damn hard place to play, and this Mountaineers squad is legit. They’ve played up to their competition, but Oklahoma and Oklahoma State were at home. I don’t trust this Longhorns team to do much at all on the road. West Virginia by at least seven.
NCAAF: TCU -7 @ Texas Tech – The Horned Frogs are going to roll into Lubbock pissed off and the Red Raiders won’t be able to do much about it. EASY. MONEY.
Last Week: (3-2)
On the Season: (34-26-1) – 57%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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