Boy, I tell ya what. Last night’s college football National Championship was a doozy, but as is the case with any social event, people are going to take to social media. Twitter was hot last night, and as usual, it wasn’t all about football. But, lost in all the excitement of the game was this ominous warning from Charlie Daniels:
Hey Taco Bell
The Illuminati is not a frivolous subject— Charlie Daniels (@CharlieDaniels) January 9, 2018
For those wondering, Taco Bell had a commercial on during the game that insinuated the shadow force known as The Illuminati may have something to do with producing tacos. Or something. I wasn’t paying attention. Oops – #Journalism.
Mr. Daniels, The Unchallenged Lord of Mount Juliet as I call him, has taken issue with Taco Bell for this, and issued a stern warning.
Listen, some of you may be laughing at this. But, that’s exactly what The Illuminati has conditioned you to do. They’ve operated in the shadows for as long as time itself, influencing every major decision and act in world history without revealing themselves. They’re akin to Santa Claus, magic, and Bigfoot in terms of mythical beings and entities. So, I’m with Mr. Daniels on this one. The Illuminati is not something to poke fun of – no room for frivolity here.
And, I can say, just like those other people/things, The Illuminati is 1,000,000% real. People say Santa isn’t real, but how do those presents get under every tree in the world in one night? You’re taught not to believe in magic, but how else can you possibly explain card tricks? I mean, they’re just cards. They don’t do anything. No, it takes magic to make the trick work. Duh. And, as for Bigfoot, well, all those people saying/seeing the same thing can’t possibly be wrong.
We’ve all been ridiculed into believing The Illuminati doesn’t exist for nonsensical reasons. But, folks – it’s time we wake up. I, for one, am ecstatic that Charlie Daniels is leading this charge, and I vow to stand by his side as we win back Mount Juliet (and hopefully Gladeville, because I love Gladeville) from The Illuminati (sponsored by Taco Bell).
Also, we’ve confirmed last night that famed Nashville Predators fan, The Ultimate Predator, is now a suspected Illuminati member:
I want to thank @CharlieDaniels. I didn’t believe in the #Illuminati and thought it was a bunch of junk. But if @tacobell is a part of a secret cabal hellbent on running the world through tacos….
I’m in.#Taconati #Illuminacho #Burritopacolypse
— The Ultimate Predator (@IAmUltimatePred) January 9, 2018
This sort of chastising is usually indicative of an attention diversion according to the psychology degree I received from the Harvard of the South (MTSU) nine years ago. In other words, “he who smelt it, dealt it.”
We are on to you, Ultimate. Us and Charlie fucking Daniels.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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