Ever since I watched Papa Shango perform voodoo on the Ultimate Warrior back in the early 90s era WWE, I have been terrified of the supernatural force. I’ve largely stayed away from voodoo, condemning it where I could, and staying just close enough to it to know what was going on. Don’t know where that cold came from and you haven’t been outside in a week? Voodoo. Haven’t eaten anything today and you can’t stop pooting? Voodoo. Had a crush on the same girl for 20 years and she still doesn’t love you? Must be voodoo. Remember the band Godsmack? What did they ever do after “Voodoo” came out? My point exactly.
I know all of these things after studying voodoo extensively since my encounter with it back in the early 90s. They say “know your enemy,” right? Wasn’t that in The Art of War? Well, friends, I’m here to tell you that voodoo is the enemy.
According to the Health and Safety Executive, more than 12 million Britons are forced to take time off work each year because of stress and anxiety, often caused by pressure from overbearing or abusive managers.
But rather than allowing staff to brood over their mistreatment, which can be detrimental to work, business experts have suggested they should be allowed to take out their anger on voodoo dolls.
Wow. I can’t believe the Britons are so flagrantly flirting with disaster. I mean, this could have catastrophic consequences. You want the world believing that voodoo is just the stuff of legend. It keeps people away from it.
Now, you’re employing it as a morale booster in the workplace? That’s a slippery slope, my friends across the pond. I’ll be watching the news intently over the course of the next several months to see how many managers start dying from mysterious causes.
A study of 229 workers in the US and Canada found that engaging in ‘symbolic retaliation’ lowered feelings of injustice by one third.
Although revenge is often viewed negatively, the researchers say the findings highlight ‘the largely overlooked benefit of retaliation from the victim’s perspective.’
Well, no shit it feels good! Why do you think people do voodoo!? It feels good. From what I know about voodoo, it’s like a drug. You just can’t get enough of the stuff. So, you can understand my concern regarding this matter. You’re going to go from a workplace full of disgruntled cube rats to an office full of shaman who murder when they’re upset.
I’m getting a little frightened writing this. I’m afraid I’ve written the word voodoo too many times and an enchantment will soon befall me.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Buy our shirt. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube. Shop our store on Redbubble
