This one’s right up there with Ridiculously Fabricated Bowl Names as one of my favorite annual pieces on SoBros Network. Sure, it’s probably highly offensive – but I just can’t help myself. I live in the South, and you hear crazy names around here all the time. I feel like I should be responsible here and preface this article by saying there’s no ill intent behind this post – I’m simply projecting characters made up in my mind from my wild imagination on to a name. But, if you’re not into that, you probably should check out now.
If you’re still here, let’s get rolling.
Previous Winners
2014 – Crockett Gilmore
2016 – Vernon Hargreaves III
2017 – Bucky Hodges
The 10 Most Southern Names in the 2018 NFL Draft
10. Ronald Jones II, RB USC – It’s old school, formal Southern, but Southern nonetheless. Ronald Jones II sounds like an old distinguished war general.
9. Simmie Cobbs, Jr., WR Indiana – No telling how many bubbas and juniors there are among the South. So, if you have either of ’em going for you, your chances of ending up on this list increase.
8. Rick Leonard, OT Florida State – Sometimes, you just run across a strong, firm-sounding Southern name. Rick Leonard is that name. Sounds like he’s about six feet tall, 250 pounds and built like a brick shithouse.
7. Ray-Ray McCloud, WR Clemson – It’s our annual “fun guy” – Ray-Ray McCloud is the best guy to party with on Friday night. He’ll bring the booze, probably be drunk before he shows up, and has a 10,000,000% chance of ending the night in the nude, whether it be streaking through the neighborhood or passed out butt naked in the front yard.
6. Dallas Goedert, TE South Dakota State – One of the golden rules of this series: Your name is Dallas, you make the list.
5. Baker Mayfield, QB Oklahoma – This is our annual “hot shot jock” – maybe it hits a little too close to home, but Mayfield sounds like the stud quarterback from his high school team in Texas. He flies a little too close to the sun before learning that family and community is what really matters in life.
4. Byron Pringle, WR K-State – I hear Byron Pringle and think “the eligible bachelor in Savannah who attends the debutante ball looking for a wife.”
3. Durham Smythe, TE Notre Dame – What is it with tight ends having southern sounding names? Two out of three previous years have gone to tight ends, and we have two on this year’s list as well. Durham Smythe sounds like the reliable concrete worker that comes home everyday smelling like dust. A man you can depend on.
2. Akrum Wadley, RB Iowa – Ol’ Akrum Wadley sounds like the steadfast hand in a small community. He’s the moral compass of town, proprietor of fine goods at his general store, and a real leader. Someone people look up to.
1. Josey Jewell, LB Iowa – We got a pair of Iowa standouts atop the 2018 list, but it just doesn’t get any better than ‘Josey Jewell.’ That’s such a powerful cowboy name. You’d expect Josey Jewell to stroll into town and for all the locals to start boarding up windows. You know there’s about to be a shootout when Josey Jowell comes to call. He’s our unquestioned 2018 champ.
See y’all next year. Happy trails ’til we meet again.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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