I’m going to get to the article, I swear. But, first of all, I have to ask….is this image an actual image of the motorcade of Kim Jong Un? Like….is every car surrounded by a hoard of his henchmen running alongside the vehicle? If so, that is hilarious and awesome. I’m going to start asking the SoBros team to do this for me when we go on content trips together (side note: I will be told to fuck right off).
Anyway, it’s no secret that some weird shit goes down in North Korea. It’s one of the last places on Earth that we don’t really know that much about. That’s what makes it all the more special when little nuggets of truth like this make it out.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un’s motorcade may not be as indestructible as Trump’s fleet of bombproof “Beast” limousines, but it reportedly offers one feature the U.S. president has to live without: a traveling toilet.
A defector who served on the North Korean Guard Command told The Washington Post that Kim brings a secret restroom everywhere he goes, mostly a security measure meant to keep foreign intelligence operatives from collecting any of his excrement in an attempt to determine the state of his health.
This has to be the height of paranoia, right? How many foreign intelligence operatives are sneaking into North Korea to steal Kim Jong Un’s dump? I mean, I can’t imagine anyone is. “When you gotta go, you gotta go” is one thing – at least that makes sense. Like, dude doesn’t want to hold it, and since y’know….he kinda runs the place around here, we’re just going to get a car for him to poop in and draw straws to see who has to drive that car around. That’s totally normal.
But, the spy stuff? It’s crazy – maybe he’s just embarrassed of pooping. It happens. He doesn’t want people to know how much he enjoys pooping, so he just makes up some bogus excuse to put a toilet in one of his cars.
I bet it’s North Korean tabloids trying to get a hold of his diet by dissecting what’s in his shit. Probably makes the most sense since everyone knows the media is so liberal in North Korea.
Ultimately, I don’t know how understanding his health gives any nation an advantage. Like, it doesn’t really help or hurt us. Just stop doing bad things.
Photos of the North Korean cars suggest they aren’t quite as protective as the White House’s heavily armored Cadillacs, as the windows wind down and the doors don’t appear to be as thick.
Trump’s Cadillacs are also protected against noxious gas, which could come in handy in the parking lot of the upcoming USA-North Korea summit if the wind starts blowing the wrong way.
Daaaaaaaaaaamn, Fox News with the SICK burn to close out this article.
I hope no one bombs us for writing this. If they do, then it has been real, SoBros Universe. We had a good run.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Buy our shirt. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube. Shop our store on Redbubble.
