A Very Serious Critique of the Oak Ridge Boys’ “Elvira”

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As long as I can remember, The Oak Ridge Boys have been a veritable institution of country music. I hear those smooth, harmonious tones and think back to fond memories of childhood. Granny cooking breakfast in the kitchen on a Sunday morning, Papaw tinkering on his cars on a Saturday afternoon, meeting up with Uncle Rick at midnight on a Tuesday while he sold cocaine to the Mexican drug cartel. All fond, wholesome memories of yesteryear. But, really that is the essence of The Oak Ridge Boys. Well, with the release of a new single titled “Elvira,” The Oak Ridge Boys are changing the dynamic of that wholesome, Southern, country vibe to something much more sexual and sinister.

Let’s examine.

Eyes that look like heaven, lips like sherry wine
That girl can sure enough make my little light shine
I get a funny feelin’ up and down my spine
Cause I know that my elvira’s mine
The suggestive nature of his physiological response to this woman’s appearance is not only disgusting and pornographic, but it is very threatening and possessive. You don’t think we know what “make my little light shine” means? You don’t think we realize it essentially means “makes my wittle pecker hard?” It is disgusting. I would have thought these gentlemen were raised better than to speak of a lady in this manner.
The tingling in his spine, though, sounds like something completely unrelated to sexual lust. I would advise seeking the opinion of a medical profession.
So I’m singin’
Elvira, elvira
My heart’s on fire elvira
Giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow
Giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow
Heigh-ho silver, away
Again, this man’s heart is on fire. I do not think he’s properly associating feelings of passions with genuine medical maladies. This is concerning because his friends clearly let him write this song, and not a single one of them reached out to say, “hey, man – we think there might be something going on if this is what’s going on.
But, singing to Elvira is one thing. You don’t have to end the chorus by making the noises you make during sex. That is just too much. This is country music – we (that’s right, “we” – I’m a country artist, too) don’t explore our sexuality so openly.
What’s next? Outright groaning in a song?
Tonight I’m gonna meet her at the hungry house cafe
And I’m gonna give her all the love I can
She’s gonna jump and holler ’cause I saved up my last two dollars
We’re gonna search and find that preacher man
Now I’m a singin’
Elvira, elvira
My heart’s on fire elvira
Giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow
Giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow
Heigh-ho silver, away
Again, with the sex noises. Just disgusting. I will never look at The Oak Ridge Boys the same again.
PS. Now, I hope you’re all stuck with the image of someone dropping “Giddy up oom poppa omm poppa mow mow” during sex.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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