Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of “insect dairy” or “cockroach milk.” Well, sirs and/or madams, you are obviously more enlightened than I am, because I have heard of no such thing. While I’m a big fan of avocados maintaining the throne as the greatest superfood in all of the universe, it sounds like this roach milk shit could be gaining some momentum to challenge for the crown. Be advised – the things you are about to read might make you throw up in your mouth a little bit.
Using a 2016 report on the benefits of insect dairy, scientists found that the Pacific Beetle cockroach of Hawaii possesses nutrient-filled milk crystals, which they use to feed their young. “A single crystal is estimated to contain more than three times the energy of an equivalent mass of dairy milk,” the report stated.
So, it’s like…concentrated milk? A crystal? Is it like rock candy? I don’t understand how to consume this. If it’s milk, shouldn’t I just pour it in a glass? If it’s a crystal, should I just swallow it whole? Do I drop it in my coffee?
I just really don’t know what to do with it and it’s making me anxious.
The study published in the Journal of the International Union of Crystallography also found that the milk-like superfood was full of amino acids and sugar-coated proteins, which makes this a natural gold mine for humans.
Some companies are already trying to get ahead of the trend by selling the bug juice in everything from milk to ice cream. “Think of Entomilk as a sustainable, nature-friendly, nutritious, lactose free, delicious, guilt-free dairy alternative of the future,” South African company Gourmet Grubb writes.
Yeah, I’m not going to think of it as any of those things. I’m going to think of it as cockroach milk, plain and simple. This is milk from the teat of a cockroach, and I’m fighting back a gag as I type this. Cockroaches are already pretty tiny, though. How hard is it to milk one? Wouldn’t it just be more efficient to bite down and eat the whole damn bug in one fell swoop? Or, am I simplifying it too much? Are there negative consequences to eating an entire cockroach? There’s a lot of research to be done here, and I’m thankful that that’s not what we do here. We simply start conversations.
But, in reality, I can see it now. Over in East Nashville, the first cockroach milk bar opening up. People lining up around street corners to get the hot new brew of the week. Spoiler alert: it’s cockroach. Maybe this will open the door for a cockroach beer while we’re at it.
All in all, I think this is disgusting, and the avocado is safe atop the superfood throne. But, given some time, you just don’t know. Never say never.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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