We are big fans of asserting dominance over your opponent here on this web site. Today, we’ve got a clip that shows what it’s all about, folks. This alpha male uses his tractor to assert dominance over his neighbor.
Now, I should specify that we have absolutely no context for this clip. Like, we could probably look it up at this point, but facts don’t really pertain to this story. I feel like I have to remind our readers of this at least once a week: if you’re looking for facts and professionalism, you are in the wrong place.
No, we’re gonna watch a fat guy run from a tractor today, and we’re going to like it.
TRACTOR ATTACK: Exclusive video you will only see on #News4Jax of a man running for his life as his neighbor tries to run him over with a tractor. You can hear his neighbor yelling “Run fat (expletive)!” What led to the bizarre incident at 10pm. @wjxt4 pic.twitter.com/OVXoiOcjoz
— Corley Peel (@WJXT_CorleyPeel) July 10, 2018
Such a power move. Just a big swingin’ dick move. I have no idea what’s happening, but I can’t help the dedication of this man to embarrassing the other.
And, believe you me, folks – that is embarrassing. I hope I never have to run from a tractor, because if I do, you’re going to see a live murder. Do you want to see a dead body? ‘Cause that’s what you’d see. So, with that in mind, I can’t give this guy too hard of a time.
But, man – if it wasn’t degrading enough, the guy just had to yell, “RUN FATASS!” at the top of his lungs. Not only did he just shit on your lawn, sir, but he rubbed your damn face in it. At least the guy had the wherewithal to scream, “get this on tape” to whoever was filming it. He may not have a shred of dignity left, but if this thing makes to a court of law, he should win a settlement or whatever. I’m no lawyer, so I don’t understand proper legal jargon.
My point is that, though we are glorifying and celebrating chasing people with a tractor, it is definitely morally wrong and should not be lauded. If you do this, you’re probably going to get in trouble. But, really – that’s irrelevant in life. It’s about the journey, not the destination.
I don’t know about you guys, but I am ready to run through a brick wall. I would definitely follow this tractor man to the sun if he needed my help. Alpha, alpha, alpha.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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