Krispy Kreme is a veritable institution in America. Is that fair to say? At the very least, it’s a veritable institution in Nashville. Growing up, the location off of Nolensville Road and Thompson Lane may as well have been the Disney castle…at least in my book. Going there was a real treat. I don’t know what that fact says about me as a person, that a child Stoney Keeley looked forward to nothing more than going to Krispy Kreme, but here we are.
So, it stands to reason that I can certainly understand that, if you’re going to rob a Krispy Kreme, you might as well take some donuts with you.
Courtesy of The Gainesville Sun:
A 45-year-old man tried to rob the Krispy Kreme restaurant near the University of Florida early Friday morning, police say, but he got only shocked looks and an order to leave.
Siwatu A. Wright, of Tallahassee, was arrested on a charge of attempted robbery. Gainesville police say the man, who was identified by clerks at the shop, later told them he was trying to get a doughnut from the “secret menu” and acknowledged that he did ask for money.
First of all, we have to ask the most important question here: does Krispy Kreme indeed have a secret menu? Once we establish rather that fact is true or not, then we can move on to the actual crime here. But, first things first.
Now, this is the most half-assed robbery attempt I’ve ever read about.
Workers at the restaurant, at 310 NW 13th St. in Gainesville, said Wright entered around 1:17 a.m. and a clerk asked him if she could help him. Wright demanded 10′s and 20′s from the register and some doughnuts, according to a media release from GPD.
The woman was “shocked” and didn’t respond, but he repeated the demand, police said. She called another clerk, and he told her the same thing.
Finally, the women went to the back of the business to speak to a male employee, and he ordered Wright to leave. He left on foot and police later found him nearby.
This is certainly the most polite robbery I’ve read about. But, if you’re this guy, you’re just doing it all wrong. It doesn’t sound like he was intimidating at all….like, they basically just said, “no, you can’t rob us,” and he left.
If you’re going to be a robber, you’ve at least got to put up a tougher front than that. Plus, I’m no legal expert, but if he’s just asking for the 10s and 20s, is it really an attempt at robbery? Also, let’s mention how considerate he was that he didn’t ask for 50s and 100s. He was just trying to think of the business.
This doesn’t sound like robbery at all.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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