Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!
What is happening? What in the rightful fuck is happening to me? I’m losing it. I started the season 8-1-1 at 82% and now I sit here at 8-4-1 and I’ve dropped to 67% Where did all my genius go?
Have I lost my smile?
BEWARE potential bettors. I am a dangerous, desperate man right now. I am on edge and I’m sliding harder than the Carolina Panthers are right now. You don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m like a bat in a China shop right now. I’m the hand that feeds and I’m biting it. The world is up and the sky is down, baby. LFG.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Washington -5.5 vs. Utah – It’s the Pac-12 Championship, baby! After winning the Apple Cup, the Huskies have Pasadena on their mind, and they’re good enough to get there. I think they’re going to overpower the Utes the same way they did the Cougs.
NCAAF: Alabama-Georgia, OVER 63.5 – That 13.5-point spread makes me a little nervous. Got me itchin’ and tempted to take the Tide here, but I think people are sleeping on just how good the Bulldogs are. People are fixated on that LSU loss, but it turned out to just be a blip on the radar. It’s in no way, shape, or form indicative of how good this team is now. Therefore, I say the over here is the much safer play. These two teams can score some points.
NFL: Indianapolis -4 @ Jacksonville – The Jags were cooked several games ago, but now, they’ve reached full-on dumpster fire mode. Meanwhile, the Colts are one of the hottest teams in the AFC, competing for a playoff spot. They get this win comfortably.
NFL: Cleveland +6 @ Houston – The Browns, man…..don’t look now, but they’re playing damn good football. Baker Mayfield and Nick Chubb are posting big numbers, but more than anything, the defense is showing up. I say they keep it rolling in Houston.
NFL: New England -5 vs. Minnesota – I like the Pats in this spot, coming off of somewhat of a dud against the New York Jets. This is going to be a big game for the backs as the Vikings will try to ride their pass rush to make Tom Brady uncomfortable. Dink and dunk all day.
W-L Record: (8-4-1)
Last Week: (2-3)
On the Season: (41-20-2) – 67%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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