I am a HUGE nerd when it comes to the business side of the website. I mean, yeah – I love producing content and working on some of my more humorous stuff really gets the creative juices flowing. But, I also get pretty excited to talk about things like SEO, keywords, and stuff like that, too. I spend way more time than I’d care to admit digging into Google Analytics, Facebook Insights, and Twitter Analytics. But, it’s a big part of growth and understanding how all of that stuff works is a huge resource for what we do. I won’t pretend to be an expert on reporting, but I love to learn, and I’m always happy to share this passion with those of you who are trying to create and spread your brand. Hit me up sometime.
I’m straying from the point of this post, but always want to put myself out there as a resource for our readers. Nonetheless, there’s a section of Google Analytics that shows you which keywords people are typing into search engines to find your website. For the most part, it’s a list 31,000 deep, in our case, of mostly innocuous terms – there’s a ton of movie reviews – stuff like “the meg review” and “tom hardy characters.” There’s a lot of WWE shit in there, too – it’s really the only reason I write my ‘best rivalries’ stuff every year. You don’t see a lot of other sites profiling the best rivalries of the year, and our SEO is always great on those articles. Just go to Google and type in ‘wwe best rivalries 2017’ – there we are, the SoBros Network, at the #5 spot on the first page of Google! That’s huge!
We also have about a million different ways to spell ‘Paul Heggen’ in our organic keywords. Everything from ‘paul hegan’ to ‘paul hagan’ – it’s ridiculous.
But, with that in mind, we write a lot of weird shit. So, it stands to reason that if you write weird shit, people are going to have to search weird shit to find it. I always share this stuff with the SoBros team, but I think it’s time I open it up to the rest of you because this is highly entertaining. We’re going to look at some of the weirdest and funniest keywords that people have typed into search engines that led them to SoBros Network.
Our Top 23 Keywords of 2018
23. “save the beer“ – I have no idea what this led a person to on our site, but LAWD YES! SAVE THE BEER!
22. “corey graves pinterest“ – I’m assuming this went to our piece on Corey Graves’ hair, but why was someone trying to look up his Pinterest? Is Pinterest still a thing in 2018?
21. “what does y all mean” – People don’t know what this bunch of rednecks is talkin’ about.
20. “porches” – We are the preeminent source of information on porches, I suppose.
19. “jeremy pruitt is a dick“ – Why y’all typing this stuff into search engines? Y’all just lookin’ for stories about how your coach is a prick? Is he? I don’t know.
18. “what is a good traditional IRA for a dumbass“ – I mean, I actually am kind of proud of this one. We cover a lot of ground on this website, and hopefully, we can encourage healthy habits.
17. “Heath ledgar splendidly bring out the true jocker“ – This is…just….so bad.
16. “belly“ – Well, I’ll tell you what – if you’re looking for belly, then you came to the right place.
15. “Joey ryan boxing in fucking in public“ – I really don’t know what this person was looking for. Like, do you want him boxing in public? Boxing in fucking public? Boxing AND fucking in public? Why do you think such a thing exists? It’s so specific.
14. “Trump dick and balls police“ – Yep. Wrote about that.
13. “voodoo” – It’s how we get you guys to keep reading our shit.
12. “another day in a naked office“ – Yep. I wrote about that time
11. “is vince mcmahon good looking“ – how are you Googling this and not Googling images of Vince McMahon instead? Like, are you wanting opinions of whether or not people think Vince is attractive? I don’t get it.
10. “baker mayfield bulge” – I don’t recall writing about Baker Mayfield’s pecker, but I’m not going to rule it out.
9. “botox scrotum“ – Yeah, that’s on the site.
8. “dude with dart in forehead“ – This is the essential SoBros Network spirit.
7. “lesson starters for the first war of scottish independence“ – This one’s not as funny as it is astounding. Can you imagine anyone creating a lesson based off of a SoBros article? That’s the wild thing about this site – you can find useful work, like Rubber Rooster’s History Lessons. But, then you also have the botox scrotum story.
6. “hookers in nashville“ – Well, it’s settled then. Now we know where all the traffic to our Ravin Hotel piece is coming from. I thought it was because people were searching “Ravin Hotel,” but it turns out they’re looking for actual prostitutes.
5. “piss timeout and rub one out“ – Excuse me?
4. “knife humor“ – Nobody makes jokes about being stabbed quite like the SoBros Network.
3. “hot sex“ – I mean, YEAH! Have you seen us? HELLOOOO!??!? Everyone on this team just oozes “hot sex” machismo, which is like BDE but for people with mediocre penises.
2. “snake fuck“ – I am howling at this one. I don’t even know what it is. Is this like….you know what, I’m going to leave this one alone. I appreciate this person reading God-knows-which article this led them to.
1. “nashville tits” – That’s right, folks. Someone typed ‘nashville tits’ into Google and they ended up at SoBros Network dot com. What a world. What a time to be alive. The internet never ceases to amaze me. I just wonder whose tits actually popped up on the site that lured this person in. Probably mine.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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