Well, here we are, folks. Time for another edition of ‘When In Russia.’ I should make that an actual thing, but we all know that nothing will ever top the Russian cemetery brawl that we discussed on an early episode of the SoBros Power Hour Podcast. Now, that’s a deep cut – if you were around for that shit, you are a true OG of SoBros Nation. We thank you for the support.
Nonetheless, the show must go on. Today, we’re going to talk about a dude who drank so much he was declared dead, but actually wasn’t dead, and woke up in a morgue.
Courtesy of the totally legitimate saveny blog:
A Russian man gave new meaning to the term “dead drunk” — getting so loaded that he was actually declared dead and brought to the morgue. Incredible but true, a man in Russia’s Far East woke up in the morgue after having been declared dead, local media report.Before the incident, he had been doing vodka rounds with friends – and after the “miraculous awakening,” he went back to the party.
The man who was mistakenly taken for dead passed out after drinking too much, local Khasanskiye Vesti newspaper reported Wednesday. However, it is not clear when exactly the incident took place. Khasanky Region is a coastal area in Russia’s Far East, which is home to some 35,000 people scattered over the territory of 4,100 square kilometers. His friends called an ambulance and medical staff hastily declared the man dead before taking him to the morgue, according to the daily. However, the man eventually came back to his senses (somewhat) – only to find himself in a mortuary freezer.
Blah, blah, blah – guy goes back to the party to find his friends mourning his death. I am a million percent certain that I don’t believe this story, but that makes it immensely less fun to write about. So, like the good journalist I am, I’m going to pretend that every detail of this blog is real.
Holy shit.
How many times over the course of my life would I have been thrown in a morgue if I lived in Russia? There’s no telling. But, talk about a shitty thing to experience. One second, you’re pounding vodka shots with your buddies, presumably about to go start a street fight in a cemetery. The next, you’re in a dark freezer trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Also, I’m going to question the sanctity of this Russian “medical staff.” Like, how are you rushing to judgment on calling a guy dead? Isn’t that something you shouldn’t rush into? Or, are those the rules in Russia? Best not to have any inefficiencies, you call a guy dead as soon as he shows signs of dying. Guy just swallowed what looked like it could’ve maybe been poison? He’s dead – throw him in the ice box.
I don’t know – are we sure this was a medical staff and not some bookies showing up to collect a debt? Seems like something a Punisher villain would attempt to pull off.
Regardless, remind me to never get blackout drunk in Russia. Oh, what am I doing? It’s 2019!
“Siri, set reminder to never pass out in Russia.”
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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