I’m a big fan of freedom. That’s partly why I chose to be born in the United States of America. And, with that freedom, I like to enjoy one of my favorite pastimes: drinking wine out of a Pringles can. What? You think that’s disgusting? Well, don’t knock it ’til you try it. Personally, I love the taste of wine that has been sloshed around in the crumbs of potato chips and salt. If I can ride around in an electric scooter while I’m doing it? Well, that’s just the fuckin’ cherry on top! But, apparently, that sort of behavior is FROWNED UPON in a certain ESTABLISHMENT.
That’s right, folks – our very American freedom is under attack from a company that I always considered one of our biggest allies: Walmart.
Police were called to a Texas Walmart after a woman was reportedly drinking wine from a Pringles can and riding an electric cart in the parking lot.
Officers responded to a call around 9 a.m. about a suspicious person in the store’s parking lot, the Times Record News reported. Investigators found the woman at a nearby restaurant and told her she was banned from the Walmart.
The caller said the woman had been riding around the store’s parking lot since 6:30 a.m., drinking wine from the potato chip can.”
If getting drunk and riding around a Walmart in a buggy and drinking wine from a Pringles can is wrong, then I DON’T WANNA BE RIGHT!
In Texas, of all places, too… the NERVE of these people! Sam Walton is turning over in his grave hearing that this happened in one of his parking lots. If I’m working at this Walmart, I am now TERRIFIED of ghosts. You know Sam Walton is going to find a way to come haunt these people for tarnishing the good name of Wally World.
To top it all off, it was 9AM! That’s not even when the crazies come out, so you know empirically that this woman was a safe and stable human being. If she wasn’t, she’d be out past midnight! Instead, she chose the very reasonable two and a half hour window of 6:30-9AM to do her thing.
I always thought Walmart was the kind of place you could do anything in, but I guess I was just damn wrong. #BoycottWalmart
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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