“Hello, thank you all for being here. Let me begin by saying this – the galaxy…the galaxy is broken. A hundred worlds are at war. The stars run red across the black as ancient gods stir from their slumbers. Never in my time have I seen such hatred and division among the various houses and tribes of the cosmos…never have I seen such UNMITIGATED DEATH. The abyss is burning, ladies and gentlemen…and yet…here we all are…here we all are together. Kree. Skrull. Shi’ar. Asgardians. Heralds. Demons. Pirates. Kings. United for today…today we bear witness to the last will and testament of the Mad Titan.”
Marvel Comics Presents : Guardians of the Galaxy Issue #1
- Written by : Donny Cates
- Art by : Geoff Shaw
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Cover by : David Marquez
Thanos, is dead…(dun dun dunnnnnnn). For those who did not read the recent Infinity Wars, it was so exciting that Thanos damn literately lost his head. I’ll be here all weekend. Tip your waitress. Honestly. Thanos had his big ass head removed from his body by Requiem, Gamora in disguise, in issue #1 with an Infintiy power stone powered katana. Exquisite.
Starfox is thanking a room full of Marvel comic anti-heroes, villains, and heroes for coming to what essentially is a wake for Thanos. He explains that he for sure is dead, Starfox checked himself…repeatedly. But what he fears is although he may be dead, Thanos’ reign may not be over.
Starfox activates a hologram and Thanos appears. “Mmmm Greetings. I am sure there are a great number of you gathered here today to celebrate the passing of your GREATEST FOE.” What a jerk. He goes on to tell them that they have been misled. He is not there to give his last will and testament. No, for as unbelievable as it is for him to believe he could be felled, Thanos still made adjustments if it ever happens. “Thanos prepares for everything!” Thanos has taken the measures to have his consciousness copied, uploaded, and implanted into the mind of another upon his death.
By the gods, is that possible? I mean, seriously, WHAT?! Thanos goes on to say his only regret will be that he cannot watch them scrambling in horror to find the Chosen One. Starfox speaks to the crowd, “So, you can see now why i have called you all here.” Uh yeah. He has called the greatest and most influential beings to the summit. There are no current roster Avengers or any hero of Earth. Starfox only called ones who are ‘not adverse to unclean hands.’ (i.e. If Thanos is a baby…we’ll say it’s the Hitler Conundrum. If you time traveled and found Hitler/Thanos as a baby…could you kill the child knowing what it would become? (hint for the Thanos one…check out Cosmic Ghost Rider by Cates)).
Phyla-vell utters the most important question…Where are the Guardians of the Galaxy?
Scene now is halfway to Knowhere.
Quill and Groot are alone in the ship The Ryder. The tension is tight. Gamora, galatical fugitive, Rocket quit, and Drax is dead. They’re heading to Knowhere. Then they see it, or they don’t. Knowhere is gone. How does an inhabited severed head of a celestial…disappear?
Back to the summit on the ship Sanctuary….
Starfox wants to start making a list of potential hosts and well, murder them all. Beta Ray Bill (my hero) isn’t so sure this is even the truth or they’re getting the ultimate Rick Roll by Thanos. Silver Surfer agrees but knowing what they know, can they trust not to trust the hologram? Gladiator then brings up the ‘what if we killed him as a baby’ idea and Ghost Rider knows he should have done it when he had the chance back in CGR #1-5 (it’s by Cates…check it out already).
Starfox has narrowed the potential long short list to a huge number of potential hosts. but for starters he wants to see Gamora put to death, her being Thanos’ closest family. Phyla-vell (from another dimension…dead in ours) whole heartily agrees after Gamora’s actions in Infinity Wars. But of all people to be the voice of reason, Ghost Rider agrees with Moon Dragon. If you start down the path of fear you might miss that Thanos could be one of them in that very room. I mean Thanos coming to his own funeral isn’t crazy.
Everyone stops. rumble rumble BWWAAAHHHH..BOOM! Knowhere comes out of nowhere and blasts The Santuary ripping it in pieces. What’s left of the ship is caught by Korbinite steel cables wrapping around it. Prepare to be boarded. Outriders. Which can only mean the Black Order is not far behind. The summit is being robbed. Silver Surfer, Beta Ray Bill, and Ghost Rider take command. Surfer and CGR have a hilarious conversation about the Silver Surfer killing CGR in the future (see Thanos #13 by our boy Cates….see a pattern here?). It’s a funny conversation on the surface but you get that Aha! moment if you have the back story.
The battle begins.
Back to where Knowhere was…
Quill is arguing with a Probie Nova Corps officer. This dude is a fan boy out of touch. It’s a nice departure from the overwhelming insanity of the issue, but this dude is a little much. He does tell Quill that he has to go because Knowhere is going towards the ‘meeting that’s happening out on Thanos’ ship that we’re all supposed to pretend isn’t happening’. That’s such a great line. Groot admits that they were actually invited but it sounded lame.
Back to the battle…
All out war is going on. The Black Order is making headway to secure the body of Thanos. As they get a hold of Thanos with their tow lines, Proxima Midnight tells the Order to get ready. BWWWWAAAAMMMMPPPPP! A probe was sent out and went boom. The Order has torn a hole into space and created a black hole as a distraction to get away. That’s an escape plan!
The Black Order gets back to Knowhere and off they go. Everyone else. Well, they all went into the tear in space and just like that VWWAAaaaa. It seals up. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! VWAAA-BOOM! A magical hammer appears with a demon red chain attached with a wormhole behind it right in front of the Nova Corps. The hammer lands on the hood up The Ryder. Now I know what you are thinking, but damn that’s good. Oh that’s so good. All these amazing cosmic characters coming together. Man…
Holy—! is right Quill! The hammer comes through the windshield of The Ryder. Quill calls for Groot to take hold of the hammer and chain. The Ryder just became a rescue ship. Here comes a cosmic daisy chain never quite seen before! Beta Ray Bill! Moon Dragon! Phyla-vell! Holy Haley’s Comet! This is some damn fun. The Nova Corps interrupt and tell Quill he has to turn them over unless this is his declared crew. Well…now that you mention it…THIS IS THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY!
AFTER CREDITS SCENE…
The Black Order show up in Knowhere to an undisclosed location. They present Thanos’ body to the person in the shadows that hired them for the job. They need his missing head to have the possibility of resurrecting Thanos. Proxima is afraid of the vengeance of taking Thanos away from his true love, Death. That to resurrect Thanos would be to wage war on Death herself. No one can defy Death…not even HELA, GODDESS OF DEATH!
DUN DUN DUN
Holy hell. Insanity. This is the basis for a comic run that will stand the test of time. Donny Cates is a hell of a storyteller. The crew that worked on this issue have gone above and beyond the call of duty. There literally aren’t enough words to base the praise this issue deserves. Visually stunning. I’m excited. LFG!
10/10. Crush.
Beta Ray Greg is the Comic Critic for SoBros Network, the ‘Fangtastic 5K 2018 Mr. Irrelevant.’ The man has the single most impressive spreadsheet in existence that is used to document his historic collection. He’s a big time Spider-Verse guy. Follow on Twitter: @BetaRayGreg.
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