Miss Hooters Tennessee Went HAM on Ex-boyfriend

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Miss Hooters Tennessee, errrr, a ‘top five contestant’ in the Miss Hooters Tennessee competition, is making headlines this week. Madison Rogers is facing criminal charges after she knocked on her ex-boyfriend’s door, and started hitting him when he answered. Also, the fact that she completely trashed his bedroom didn’t help matters. Rogers was slapped with vandalism and aggravated burglary charges.

Courtesy of The Tennessean:

According to the affidavit, the man restrained Rogers to stop the attack, carried her outside his home and dialed 911.

While outside, she asked if he “liked the upstairs?” before she fled the scene, the affidavit shows.

Upstairs, the man found his bedroom, bathroom, and closet destroyed, the affidavit continues. A lamp, valued at $100, was also broken. Security footage captured Rogers entering the man’s home before he arrived, police said.

“Do you like the upstairs?” is some next level Joker shit. If I’m Joaquin Phoenix and reading this story, I’m like, “y’all – stop post-production! I got a line we need to throw in.”

But, in all seriousness, this was just a bad plan from the jump, and that’s why you can never let your emotions get in the way of committing a good crime. If you’re going to hit someone with the ol’ Ding Dong Deck (where you ring a doorbell and immediately start punching whoever answers without giving them a chance to defend themselves), the first order of business is making sure there are no security cameras on the premises. Why? Because assaulting people is not legal and you can get in trouble for it.

The best time to commit a crime is not when you’re still living in the heat of the moment. You’ve gotta wait until your judgment isn’t so clouded…or else you might end up doing something stupid like wrecking a $100 lamp. How’s that man ever going to get that lamp back? $100 lamps don’t just grow on trees, and I’d be willing to bet that’s the part that Madison regrets the most out of this whole ordeal.

Also, if she was in a relationship with this guy for nearly two years, how did she not know security cameras were all over the house? Or, *dun dun dun* what if she didn’t know about the security cameras?!?!? This guy was SPYING on her the whole time!

I feel like I’m really sensationalizing this story and there’s a little idea popping up in the back of my head that this may not be the most responsible form of journalism I’ve ever written. Maybe it’s time for me to bow out.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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