The name is Flamingo.
Dick Flamingo.
It’s time for me to drop some common sense.
Everyone’s all excited about the damn summer time, and cool yeah it’s great and all. It’s Lake Season. Summer time is the best time to get into the water – whether it’s a lake, the beach, a pool, or just a water hose out in the front yard. Sometimes, after a long night out in Myrtle Beach, you can find a nice little pond in a ditch on the side of the road and it feels really great and refreshing.
But, people need to be real with themselves. It also means that the bugs come back from the dead to eat us all. It’s the only big buzzkill about summer.
Like, a good summer day out by the water is great, but you get eat up by skeeters and it just takes the fun out of fuckin’ when you find a two bit floozy to jiggle bits with under the moonlight in the lake. And what happens if they bite yore dick? People will think you got a STD. It’s just gross. And, while New Year’s Eve and Halloween will always be the G.O.A.T. sex holidays, you gotta think 4th of July would be up there too if it wasn’t for the damn summer time bugs. All the fireworks and patriotism just gets EVERYBODY hard.
So, the opinion you’re getting from this opinion columnist today is that we need to cancel bugs for the health of the sex holiday calendar. Sex holidays are the only thing some of us count on to keep us out of a big time slump. It helps living in a great sex city like Myrtle Beach, but we have to do right by people.
Anyway, this has been another Dick Flamingo essay and I’ll talk to y’all next time. Check out my last piece about how Thanksgiving is a second tier sex holiday.
Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo
Check out the SoBros Shop. Subscribe to our Patreon. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube.
Image courtesy of lalit sehgal on Unsplash.
