I really feel sad that our society is at a point where I even need to write this. Like, I don’t know who sees a live fucking octopus and thinks, “I’m going to put this on my face.” I guess you gotta do it for the ‘Gram and all. But, folks – it’s just not a good idea.
Let’s all take a moment to learn from this Washington lady who apparently begged some fishermen who caught a live octopus to let her take a photo with it and then put it on her damn face.
Folks, I recommend looking at the photos and reading this entire story because it is something else.
She also asked the men to take a photo of her with the sea creature, intending to enter the snap in the derby’s photography contest: “It’s soft, it’s squishy, it doesn’t feel like it can hurt you — I put it on my face.”
WHY!?
LADY. I HAVE TO KNOW.
WHY?!?!?!
A “prize-winning” photo?!?! What kinda fuckin’ award is a picture of a woman with an octopus on her face going to win?! If I saw that shit at the Wilson County Fair (shout out to almost fair season), I would be MORTIFIED. I’d be asking the people there to take it down. I might be so bothered that I’d just take it and run off into the night so no one ever had to see that shit again!
Reading her describe having the tentacles in her ears and face just makes me queasy. I don’t know if I can finish this article.
Okay, so the fuckin’ thing bit her because it’s a wild ass animal that was just pulled out of its natural habitat. And, the lady just takes it. Doesn’t go to the hospital or anything. Just takes it home, throws that thing in a pot, puts it on a salad and fuckin’ EATS IT.
Days pass, and STILL NO HOSPITAL. She wouldn’t end up going until she couldn’t swallow and the left side of her face felt paralyzed. I’d say you probably had reason to go at that part when the octopus was GNAWING ON YOUR CHIN.
Like I said, folks – it’s just a bad idea. Maybe don’t mess with live octopussies (plural for octopus – definitely not making an immature and childish joke). If you encounter one, maybe just let it be. Maybe throw it back into the water. But, definitely DON’T PUT IT ON YOUR FACE. That probably ranks among the last things you should do with it – right up there with “putting it in your kid’s lunch box for it to take to school” and “putting it in your butt.”
PS. I will say that cooking and eating the sumbitch was the ultimate BDE move so props to this lady for that.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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