Alright, after a week of joint practices in Nashville, the New England Patriots visited Nissan Stadium for a big time preseason showdown with our very own beloved Tennessee Titans. Now, before I get into my break down of Titans-Pats, I’d like to point that I actually attended this game live with good friend of the brand, Ben, who is an avid Pats fan from Boston. That’s okay, though – Ben is definitely not the obnoxious Pats fan type…unlike the dudes who sat behind us….anyway…
Titans-Pats Game Notes
- Marcus Mariota threw a touchdown to Delanie Walker.
- They played Jeremy McNichols a lot.
Fuck, guys – that’s all I got.
I don’t even know what the final score was. Did the Titans even win?
I have never in my life been so embarrassed and ashamed that I call myself a legitimate card-carrying member of the journalism club. I have let you all down.
I know that the number one reason you all come to SoBros Network is the uncanny journalistic voice I have for the Titans. My coverage is head and shoulders the most serious in town, no offense to any other Titans writers. With that comes a sense of obligation and responsibility, not unlike the one Uncle Ben told Peter Parker about in Spider-Man. I let you all down, and I’m sorry.
See, what had happened was…
Ben got to town, and was all “hey I have a million White Claws left over from SCI….let’s go down early and tailgate…”
And, we all know there’s no laws when you’re drinking the Claws, so that probably got me off on the wrong foot. We made it down to the scrapyard at PSC Metals around 4:00PM and started pounding cold ones on what Ben described as “the surface of the sun.” It was hot. No two ways about it.
About 5:30PM, we decide it’s time to head in, so we march our swampy asses across the street and into the stadium. I’m about six Claws deep and about 10 moonshine cherries deep at this point. Spin cycle: I was actually too buzzed to understand how hot it was (which, I’m sure, is safe and not at all how people die of heat exhaustion).
We’re walking up to our seats and Ben stops and says, “it’s a celebration, bitches!” Then, he proceeds to buy an entire bottle of sparking wine. So, if you’ve ever wondered who orders the full bottles of wine at Titans game, it’s us.
We finally make it to our seats, and all I can really make out on the field is that people are running around on it. There’s some dipshit Pats fans behind us – now, I should specify…my buddy Ben is an avid Pats fan….but he’s not of the dipshit variety. One of these guys behind us literally said, “we don’t need Brady to win” ABOUT A DAMN PRESEASON GAME.
They were also talking shit about Marcus Mariota. At one point, when they took out Mariota, one of the guys says, “they already pulled him….tells ya something.” At that point, I turn my head a bit and say, “oh yeah, they pulled Mariota from a preseason game – this quarterback controversy is heating up.”
Thankfully, my girlfriend was with us and she shushed me (about three times), or I might’ve gotten Ben and myself into a fight with four drunken Boston transplants.
The real highlight of the evening came when they fired up the Kiss Cam, and some middle aged man kissed his wife and then grabbed her tiddy. The place went nuts, and my girlfriend was tickled because the old man in front of me was laughing so hard.
We go on and watch the game – I did a little live-tweeting from The Unofficial Titans Podcast Twitter account. But, I didn’t take good enough notes to really make up any sort of game report. This is what most of the evening looked like to me:
So, I would like to publicly apologize for my actions. It most definitely will not happen again (this week).
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
