Man, some serious serious news to get to this morning. Apparently, as it turns out, the famous Harry Potter books are legit witchcraft, and not just fiction made up for the entertainment of millions.
I know….this is a S H O C K I N G revelation, but we have a credible source reporting on the matter.
A Catholic school in Nashville, Tennessee has banned the “Harry Potter” series because a reverend at the school claims the books include both good and evil magic, as well as spells, which, if read by a human can conjure “evil spirits,” according to the Tennessean.
Well, shit. Oh God oh fuck. What do we do?!?!? Is there a hotline that we can call that isn’t tapped by the witches? What about warlocks? Hell, what about the wizards? Also, what’s the difference between a warlock and a wizard? Where do mages fit into this equation? How do I know if I’ve been effected by magic? Am I secretly a frog? Can frogs write articles?
I am so out of sorts by this news. I mean, it’s a downright panic. I just threw up a bit on my keyboard reading this news.
I gotta figure out how to unread everything I read when I was a child. This shit is nothin’ to fuck with.
Talmbout evil spirits! I can’t risk this company and my livelihood. Why has it taken this long for people to realize J.K Rowling was writing shoot magic!?!? What kind of spells are we talking about here?
I have so many questions and no one seems to have the answers. I mean, I guess….y’know, I live in Nashville, I could just drive over and ask this guy, right? Maybe I’ll do that today on my lunch break. This is definitely an emergency and a panic situation that requires me to burn a sick day.
Also, what happens if a non-human reads the Harry Potter books?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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