Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. My lawyers say I shouldn’t claim to be an expert on anything)!
Okay, I took a week off from calling college football games, and I think it’s safe to say the curse is broken. Not too familiar with voodoo, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it works. So, after a 4-1 week in the NFL, I’m gonna dive back in. Sorry this intro sucks – I’m up in New Jersey spending time with family and trying to relax….so fuck all this work nonsense.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Florida -5 @ South Carolina – WTF am I missing here? This line started at Florida -6 and people have bet that down to -5??!?!? I mean, was last week the only week of college football y’all watched?!?! The Gators are still in the hunt for the SEC crown. The Gamecocks are still a mediocre team.
NCAAF: Florida Atlantic -5.5 vs. Marshall – I’m doubling down on Florida teams with the Lane Train, baybay. Hide your co-eds because it’s going to ROLLLLL ON. Since losing to UCF and Ohio State, the Owls have been rather dominant. Meanwhile, the Thundering Herd has been a bit of an underachiever. I like ’em to lose big on the road.
NFL: Seattle -3 vs. Baltimore – I know it’s a revenge game for Earl Thomas and all, but that’s a tough trip for Baltimore to make. They’re putting a ton of yardage up, but they haven’t been particularly impressive in their last two wins against bad Steelers and Bengals teams. It’s a match-up between two MVP contenders, but I trust Russell Wilson at home.
NFL: Los Angeles Rams -3 @ Atlanta – What did Steve Smith call the Falcons?! The “get right” team? The team you need to play when you need to get right? That’s the Rams right now – reeling at 3-3, Jared Goff playing like ass. They have to get right, and the Falcons defense is just the elixir.
NFL: New Orleans +3 @ Chicago – This is the second week in a row the Saints have been underdogs to an inferior team. I don’t know what Teddy Bridgewater has to do to get some damn respect. I know that’s a vaunted Bears defense, but the Saints defense is playing well and that Bears offense is anemic. This is won the Saints could win 13-6.
W-L Record: (3-2)
Last Week: (4-1)
On the Season: (15-10-0) – 60%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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