Let’s face it – an angry Nick Saban ain’t a pleasant Nick Saban to be around. For all of his accolades, and man – there are plenty – it may be his frumpy demeanor that lends itself to the viral clips you see crawling on social media the most. I mean, the man has built a dynasty unlike anything we’ve ever seen. He pulled the Alabama Crimson Tide out of the depths of Mike Price, a Pensacola strip club, and the mediocrity of Mike Shula that followed.
Dark times for Tide fans, for sure, times that I think a lot of people have forgotten about (namely, the ones calling for Saban’s job after losing the LSU game 46-41). For 13 seasons now, Saban has made Alabama the gold standard among college football programs. He’s brought five National Championships and six SEC Championships to Tuscaloosa. He’s a legendary recruiter that perfected the art of effectively serving as a “college football CEO.” But, he’s also developed some fine young men and sent many of them to the NFL.
Nonetheless, his ire is legendary. You’ve seen the screaming and yelling, the throwing of headsets, the surly press conferences. Friends of mine have told me, “y’know, I might like him if he didn’t seem like such a grump ass…” It’s all just apart of the nearly mythical aura that permeates around Saban. But, fret not – as a journalist, I think I’ve done an admirable job of compiling certain ways of drawing his anger out. All of you prospective Tide players and hard journos that have earned the privilege of interacting with him on a regular basis should definitely take note.
Let’s hit some of angry Nick Saban’s greatest hits.
10 Ways to Guarantee an Angry Nick Saban
1. If you’re a student, you better show up to games – story – This is one that has shown up a few times over the years. And, it’s pretty easy – if you are a student at Alabama and you go to football games, you damn well better be there and making as much noise as possible for the entire duration of the game. It’s actually ideal if you don’t even leave to go to the restroom. Just stand and yell or your overlord will hold you accountable. One of these days, he’s going to lose it and start pointing kids out from the sideline and threatening them, dragging them back to their seats by their ears.
2. If you play in the NBA, you damn well better let him win – story – Of all the things that Nick Saban has installed at Alabama, the secret coaches basketball league, aptly named the NBA (Noontime Basketball Association), is not one I would’ve expected. But, one thing that everyone who has ever played in it knows is that Saban’s team always wins. No one has ever been brave enough to defeat Saban, so the consequences of violating this rule are still unknown.
3. Ask him repetitive questions – story – Look, I get it. After Tua Tagovailoa unseated Jalen Hurts in the 2017 National Championship game and brought another natty to Tuscaloosa, it was bound to be a massive storyline heading into 2018. And, you can’t blame journalists for doing their jobs. But, just know that you ask questions at your own risk. The man told y’all over and over to stop askin’ them damn questions, and y’all kept going. That’s not an excuse for how he talked to Maria Taylor, but people should have known he was going to blow at some point. It was like his brain couldn’t process his own anger, and I’m honestly kind of surprised he didn’t turn into a werewolf and literally eat her.
4. Schedule games at 11AM early in the season – story – Man, there is no detail whatsoever that escapes Saban’s eyes. The man has a point with this one, though…it is terribly hot in the South in August and September. Every time you schedule one of those games at that time of year, you’re rolling the dice on a wealth of heat stroke and dehydration. Hopefully, y’all have learned from the ‘repetitive questions’ issue, and won’t push this one to the point where Saban turns into a werewolf and eats someone.
5. Suggest that Alabama could potentially overlook a team – This one’s happened several times, too. Don’t you dare suggest that Alabama is a superior team prior to the game happening in front of Nick Saban:
“They run through our ass like shit through a tin horn.” – I’m just saying…y’all should’ve seen this one coming. Saban’s not the type of guy to take any opponent lightly. They could be playing Wilson Central High School, and Saban would be out there talking about how tough the wildcat is as an animal. So, why on Earth you’d be asking presumptuous questions is beyond me. I’ll tell you one thing…you start hearing ‘aight’ and see him tapping that podium, it’s ball game, folks. You are cooked.
6. Commit a penalty – Y’all remember the Orange Bowl last year? When the Tide was up 31-10 on Oklahoma, but because of multiple offensive penalties, Saban nearly lost his mind and definitely chucked a headset?
Nick Saban, Arm Action (headset throw). pic.twitter.com/FlWYJOZm1u
— Rob Friedman (@PitchingNinja) December 30, 2018
Yeah. If you commit a dumb penalty on his watch, you’re going to get him at that vein-popping, red-in-the-face, smoke-coming-out-of-his-ears level in no time.
7. Quit the coaching staff without telling him – story – Earlier in the year, quarterbacks coach Dan Enos fled Tuscaloosa like a thief in the night. People were crawling the facility looking for him, and you guessed it – Saban was P I S S E D. That had to be the coaching equivalent of breaking up with someone via text.
Enos came out later on and denied that he left the program without telling Saban. Judging by the way the rest of that coaching staff fled after Clemson rocked ’em in the National Championship, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it was 100% true. I’m also 100% confident that if Alabama finds themselves opposite the field from Miami any time while Enos is still there, Saban will try to win by a hundred.
8. Complain about a road conference win – story – Way back in 2014, Alabama traveled to Arkansas and beat the Razorbacks 14-13. It was an ugly one for sure, but a win is a win is a win. When the fan base damn near revolted, Saban justifiably went on a rant, talking about how ridiculous the expectations were at Alabama that a road conference win was being talked about as if the team had just been eliminated from playoff contention.
That was the year, by the way, that Alabama ended up in the inaugural College Football Playoff, but got stunned by the eventual National Champions, the Ohio State Buckeyes, in the Sugar Bowl. Looking back at this is funny given how a certain sect of the fan base was calling for Saban’s job after the Tide lost to LSU 46-41 this season. How insane is it that Saban has built a program that’s become so elite that losing a single game is enough to fire the man?!
9. Ask him about the future – story – We’re digging into the past with this one, but I had to find the origin of the “I could give a shit about all that” line for this piece. It came after reporters had asked him about the Heisman Trophy and the potential for the ‘Third Saturday In October’ rivalry game to go away because of expansion back in the day. It’s an overarching theme with Saban here – just focus on the upcoming game, but show the opponent some respect. Don’t be up there talking about stuff that happened before or stuff that hasn’t happened yet. If you do, you run the risk of Saban giving you a verbal spanking. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past Coach to give someone a literal spanking at a press conference before his career is all wrapped up.
10. Talk trash on the field – This has to be one of my favorite angry Nick Saban stories. Courtesy of CBSSports.com:
“I tell our players, if you want to talk s— to the other team, join the god damn debate team,” he said.
Of course, he immediately followed it up with an apology.
“I’m really sorry for using the Lord’s name in vain, but I just get really hot about what I see in sports that we promote in the media and in every other way that really is not a good thing,” he said.
You done fucked if you drop the Lord’s name in vain in the South. He knew that immediately and corrected course. But, man – that’s just an illustration of the disdain he has for the act of talking trash. And, OF COURSE Saban is the type to hate trash talk. He doesn’t want ANYTHING distracting from the process or from the game plan. You don’t want to give the opponent any sort of advantage or extra motivation at all. So, just don’t do it!
I’ll leave you guys with this awesome compilation of some fire Nick Saban press conference moments courtesy of the fine folks at AL.com:
If you’re tired of all this negativity, and want a FUN Saban story, check out his affinity for telling ‘deez nuts’ jokes. And, remember – a man who enjoys oatmeal cream pies with the fervor that Saban does can’t be all bad, right?
Roll Tide.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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