As a credible journalist, my job is to make sure you guys are well aware of current events and things that are happening all across the world. Even if you’re reading this in our hometown of Nashville, you should be made aware of these cannibal ants, even though they’re making waves a world away.
Courtesy of Newsweek (of all places lol):
A “colony” of up to one million cannibal ants trapped in a nuclear bunker for years have escaped, scientists in Poland have said.
The ants, which had no food source other than their dead nestmates, were first discovered in 2013 were found to be solely made up of worker ants meaning they could not reproduce—how their numbers grew so large was a mystery.
Chernobyl.
Gotta be the effects of Chernobyl. Have you not watched a single movie about it? I mean, it could be a lot of other things, but I read things like ‘Poland’ and ‘Soviet bunker’ and it seems to me that the only logical conclusion is Chernobyl.
It’ll turn you into a zombie, and if you’re an ant, it’ll make you eat other ants. It’s a bona fide mystery….like what if there were suddenly no more women at Earth, but the population kept growing? How would you even begin to hypothesize that?
I’m not going to lie…my fear is that it is blood magic.
Newsweek’s headline definitely made this sound a lot more menacing than it was once you actually read the story. Like, “ah….it’s just some survivalist ants doin’ the damn thing and carrying on the lineage of their species in some extreme conditions.” Not so much the “holy shit, there are some ants coming to kill us all.”
I’ve fallen prey to the sensationalism of modern media yet again. You made a fool of me Newsweek.
Also, real talk, how exactly would you die if a million ants crawled into your body? Would they suffocate you before they could do enough damage to your internal organs to kill you? This seems like great fodder for a new American Horror Story season.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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Image courtesy of Salmen Bejaoui on Unsplash!
