Alright, guys. I swore I wasn’t going to do this. These recaps are the bane of my existence. I hate ’em…but they always perform so well that I feel like I’m stupid for just leaving those pageviews on the table. It’s a veritable wrestling holiday – the Royal Rumble. So, I figured what the hell?” Let’s fire this ol’ engine up. I’m back for my WWE Royal Rumble 2020 results and match ratings column. LFG.
Kick-off Show
Sheamus def. Shorty G – So, we’re still doing the Shorty G thing, huh? Okay. To be the opening match of a kickoff show, this was good enough from what I saw. I mean, it served its purpose, right? “The Fella” is back. I was announcing the drawing for our fantasy Royal Rumble, so not gonna lie – I missed most of it. Doesn’t feel right to then give it a rating.
United States Championship: Andrade def. Humberto Carrillo – I absolutely love Andrade in this spot – the U.S. Champion, that mid-card stalwart that always puts on bangers. He’s one of my favorites on the WWE roster, and this match was a nice little appetizer for the show. Rating: 6.5/10.
WWE Royal Rumble 2020
Falls Count Anywhere: Roman Reigns def. King Corbin – LOVE the giant Roman Reigns graphic – looks like the Titan of Braavos, but instead, it’s greeting people to the Royal Rumble. We got some nice brawling through the crowd to really sell the ‘falls count anywhere’ gimmick. Reigns takes a sick looking chokeslam through the announce table.
Later on, he drops Corbin through a table in the crowd with a Samoan Drop. He picks him up and does it again through another table. Why y’all got all these tables sittin’ around? Bobby Roode and Dolph Ziggler came out. The Usos evened the odds. Jimmy Uso came flyin’ out of the fuckin’ heavens – hitting a splash from some scaffolding. Some port-a-pottys were involved. This match was a whole hell of a lot of fun. @ me. Reigns gets the win after a Superman Punch and a Spear on top of the dugout. Rating: 7/10.
Charlotte Flair wins the 30-woman Royal Rumble: We got started with Alexa Bliss and Bianca Belair. A lot surprises in this one, which was to be expected considering they only announced seven women for this match. Lana and Liv Morgan got their cuck angle shit in. Kairi Sane came in swinging an umbrella around. A lot of throwback entrants as Mighty Molly, Beth Phoenix, and Kelly Kelly all came in. Belair was the iron woman – lasting 33 minutes before being eliminated. I thought for a split second Shayna Baszler was gonna win it, but Charlotte Flair came in and stole one. Despite being bummed out about that, I thought this was a really fun rumble match. Rating: 6.5/10.
SmackDown Women’s Championship: Bayley def. Lacey Evans – Not gonna lie, y’all. Maybe it was just the come-down after a fun Rumble match, but I just wasn’t feeling this one. Thought it was a little too off and awkward. Bayley gets the win, and I’m ready to move on. Rating: 4/10.
Universal Championship Strap Match: DA FIEND Bray Wyatt def. Daniel Bryan – Look, I know y’all gotta change things up every once in a while, but in this case, the strap match just didn’t work. Not to mention, I thought the way you won a strap match was by touching all the corners. I don’t know – I thought this was kinda boring. They had the opportunity for a couple of nice finishes, but Bryan kicked out. Then, Fiend hits a mandible claw chokeslam gimmick and picks up the win. Glad some of y’all liked this, but I thought it was boring. Rating: 4.5/10.
Raw Women’s Championship: Becky Lynch def. Asuka – Loved the story going into this match. Asuka was going all out for this one, y’all. She took a hell of a stomach bump on the outside of the ring, then a Beck-sploder into the barricade. She delivered repeated kicks as Lynch hulked up. Asuka goes for the green mist spit, but Lynch kicks her in the gut, she spits the mist straight up into the air, and then Lynch hits the Disarm-her for the win. Kind of a ‘bleh’ finish, but guys – this was all about telling the story of Lynch beating Asuka and getting that win. Rating: 6/10.
Drew McIntyre wins the 30-man Royal Rumble: Brock Lesnar is out first, and runs through what felt like the first half of the entire field. I thought it was a nice homage to some of his recent feuds with Kofi Kingston and Rey Mysterio coming out. Shelton Benjamin came out and faked the reunion with Lesnar only for Lesnar to throw him out. Other than that, it was a whole hell of a lot of feeding the beast. Keith Lee came out and got a nice pop. We got a little bit of a Lee-Lesnar tease before Braun Strowman hit the ring. Drew McIntyre hits, and thanks in part to a low blow by Ricochet, actually eliminates Lesnar.
Crowd goes wild – from there, it’s a different Rumble. Edge returns. Matt Riddle shows up. Things get pretty crazy. Seth Rollins hits at #30 and comes to the ring with Buddy Murphy and the Authors of Pain. They team up and eliminate a bunch of dudes, including Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens, and then they all brawl to the back. The guys left team up and throw out Rollins. Our final four is Edge, Randy Orton, McIntyre, and Roman Reigns. Edge pulls the old switcheroo and throws out Orton after a nice little Rated RKO reunion. Reigns knocks out Edge, and then McIntyre eliminates Reigns. Crazy, crazy stuff, y’all. From start to finish, this felt like one of the best stories in the Royal Rumble in a long time. Rating: 8/10.
Overall: 6/10. Part of the problem with an event like this is that it’s all about the one match: the Royal Rumble. So, in a way, it casts an unfair shadow on the rest of the card. Both rumbles this year were phenomenal. I liked Corbin-Reigns a lot, and found Lynch-Asuka to be a solid championship bout. But, outside of that, I thought it was rather bland and boring.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Become a Patron. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
