Growing up in the country, I’ve jumped over a lot of ditches in my day. Shit, that was one of my favorite things to do as a kid. This was the early to mid 90s – we didn’t have cell phones and Tik Tok. We had to go outside for fun! That’s a lie. I got down on some Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis. I was just trying to set this story up in more dramatic fashion, but I always talk about how important transparency is to me, so my bad, guys. I did enjoy a good ditch jump back in my day, though.
I’ll never forget the rush of a good dare. You and your boys come upon a stream or a ditch, and everyone’s sizing up the situation when one of us felt emboldened to say those magic words….”bet ya can’t.“
You’d stand there, staring at it….maybe get in a couple of practice runs just to feel it out. Then, you’d go for it. Sometimes you’d make it. Sometimes, you’d end up with a busted ass head, twisted ankles, and/or scrapes all over your arms. Those were the days.
I just wish someone would’ve told this guy about that whole feeling out process before jumping a ditch. It looks like he could’ve greatly benefitted from sizing up that thing before just going for it.
Hold my beer while I jump this ditch. pic.twitter.com/gILI6O0GUm
— Hold My Beer (@holdmyale) February 24, 2020
You know who I blame? The damn dog. Just comes strolling into frame right as our boy is about to go for it. Probably distracted him just enough to throw off his game. You take one wrong step and the next thing you know, you’re eating dirt.
But, there are some fundamental issues here with this clip. Namely, the hesitation. You gotta commit or you’re going to kill all of your momentum and then you’re definitely not going to make it. That split second of hesitation just wrecked him.
Then, you gotta look at the gear. This man was not dressed to pull off an athletic feat such as this one. He’s adjusting his jeans before he’s even getting his feet set. Do you know how hard it is to do anything athletic in jeans that don’t fit right? Trust me…I’ve been on a dance floor in jeans after losing a bunch of weight. It didn’t go well. I just didn’t have that sparkle in my eye ’cause I couldn’t move right.
At least he had his hard hat on….though, I don’t think it protected his teeth from crashing into the dirt.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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