Welcome in, folks. As your preeminent source of journalistic power rankings of random items, foods, and treats, I feel it’s time we have another important discussion today. I’m going to be ranking Dum Dum flavors.
The Dum Dum, I’m fairly positive, has been around since the dawn of America. It’s an institution of the world’s candy scene, and could quite possibly be considered the standard bearer for miniature sized suckers…the candy…not a shot at diminutive people who fall for scams. As a kid, I couldn’t get enough Dum Dums. Now, I’m a 33-year old man with an extensive knowledge of the Dum Dum brand who still enjoys the product on occasion. As a good journalist, I probably shouldn’t have to spell this out, but I just want to illustrate why I’m a credible author on this matter.
Power Rankings: Dum Dum Flavors
5. Mystery Flavor – Who knows what the mystery flavor is? Is it even a flavor? Those are the burning questions that surround this amazing concoction. It could be anything. The excitement is QUITE arousing.
4. Butterscotch – Call me an old man if you wish to, but there is something vintage and classic about the butterscotch flavor. It takes us back to simpler times when kids played stickball in the street and a tank of gas cost a nickel. Every house had a white picket fence, and we had to keep our meat cool by burying it in the ground.
3. Root Beer – What’s the drawback of drinking a root beer? All that sugar. What doesn’t have the same amount of sugar as an entire root beer? A Dum Dum. In this way, I think that means the root beer Dum Dum is actually healthy.
2. Cream Soda – Cream soda has always lived in the shadow of root beer, but folks, I am here to fight the good fight on the frontlines for cream soda. It is a lot smoother and…..creamier.
1. Pineapple – It is the Hawaiian shirt of Dum Dum flavors. It is exotic, refreshing, and immediately transfers you to a world without worry and one populated with festive tiki bars and a cool ocean breeze.
Disagree? Hit me with your favorite Dum Dum flavors in the comments. If you like these thought pieces, please check out my rankings of White Claw flavors, Sun Chips flavors, and things to put Old Bay on.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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