Gather ’round, folks. It’s time for story time with the EIC. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for an awful lot of people. We’re being forced to navigate difficult conversations, and personally, I just don’t know what to do with myself. So, I’ve gotten back into a fitness routine to help get realigned. Part of that has been hitting the greenway regularly again. Our resident film critic, Brandon Vick, was feelin’ the same sort of way, so we decided to head out to put in some miles on the track last week.
We talked about life. We relived some of the glory days. We discussed our future plans for SoBros Network. It was incredibly cathartic at a time of great distress in our hearts.
But, something happened on that walk that sparked a larger discussion….it presented a real moral dilemma, if you will.
Once we made it to the part of the greenway that used to be an airport or whatever, a man on a bike whizzed by as we chatted. He turned, but I just happened to look over and notice I could see what looked like his ass crack. I started biting my tongue to keep from noticeably laughing. I mentioned it to Brandon….”dude, that guy’s ass crack is showing clean through his outfit.” Brandon chuckled, and continued talking about whatever we were talking about.
I’ve known Brandon long enough to know that he should have found that hysterical. But, he didn’t. Odd, I thought…but the guy was so far ahead of us that it was futile to confirm I had seen it the way I thought I did. Maybe it was just a sweat stain? I don’t know.
We were on our way back to the car when the man rode past us again. This time, we were in his way, walking on the right side of the track. He passed us to the left and then quickly merged back into his lane….directly in front of us.
This time, no doubt remained, and Brandon saw what I thought I had seen earlier with the clarity of a cloudless blue sky. This dude’s entire fucking ass was showing through his cycling outfit. Five feet in front of us, nothing was left to the imagination. Just a big sweaty ass. Brandon remarked, “if he opened his mouth, we’d see daylight out the other end.” That’s how plain-as-day it was. He might as well have been riding that bike bare ass nude.
Now, Brandon was laughing hysterically. That was the reaction I had expected earlier. But, I gotta say – I felt bad for the dude. When you’re trying those things on, you probably turn and look in the mirror and think, “okay, no ass…good to go!” But, the reality is that once you’re squatting and you got your hips and your cheeks working to spread the suit out, it ain’t your friend. That’s a different story, and that’s exactly what happened on that day.
Because I felt bad, and because I think I would want to know if I was showing my ass (literally) to everyone at the greenway, I mentioned, “man, I wish I would’ve seen him coming. I would’ve said something.” Brandon seemed stunned – “REALLY?” We were on different sides of this one. I would hope the guy would be compassionate, but sure – there’s always the chance he would’ve been hostile out of embarrassment. You never know these days – maybe the play is to just let him figure it out on his own. But, I felt compelled to maybe help a fellow big man in need.
So, the question that I’m posing on to you, SoBros Nation – what would you do in that situation? Would you tell the dude you could see up his asshole? Or, would you just carry on about your business? Conversely, if your entire ass was showing, would you want someone to let you know? Or, would you rather keep carrying on oblivious to it?
I’m glad you guys come here for deep, thought-provoking journalism. That’s where we’re at today, and it’s something I think we should all think about ourselves.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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