The name is Flamingo.
Dick Flamingo.
It’s time for me to drop some common sense.
There’s a lot going on in the fucked up world today and it just sucks big dicks and butts. I don’t like it. People keep talking about how terrible 2020 has been, and I would defintiely agree with that. It’s been awful, and there’s plenty of what’s that thing that emotion called when you feel sorry for people? There’s plenty of that to go around.
It feels like Mother Earth herself is hurting, and the healing is a slow process. You’re probably thinking “Dick Flamingo, that was so deep and heartfelt and I suddenly wish we were kissing.” Well, hold your horses – I am a very deep and sensitive man, but I do like a little romance on occasion so please respect that. Anyway,
Down here in Myrtle Beach, it’s real easy for people to lose sight of just how much pain the world is in. I wake up on the beach every morning and get a few quality minutes in before the Coast Guard comes out and runs me off. It’s paradise. But, when the world’s comin’ down around me, it’s hard to stay positive. My point here is that that’s how I became an activationist. Doing the good work for the people and those that don’t have legs to fight for themselves and stand on or whatever that saying is.
My point here is that Dick Flamingo need to step up for the little guy yet again because that’s how brave I am. A lot of people hurting, but I don’t see anyone putting their arms around people with peanut allergies right now. Let me be that human being to do that. I’m putting my arm around all of you with peanut allergies right now.
It just seems so cruel. Peanuts are one of my favorite foods – think about how many times you’ve needed a snack and the peanut there was there to save you’re ass. I love peanuts. My point here is that I don’t know what on Good’s green Earth these people do to make it through life. It has to be so hard.
What do y’all eat with your beers? What do you put in your butter? You can’t have PB&Js without peanut butter. That’s a cold hard fact. My point here is that that’s scienece. You’re telling me these people have to go their entire lives without eating a PB&J? There’s no alternative to that anywhere? Man, that’s fucked up. THat sucks. I can’t imagine living my life without the PB&J. There was a stretch from 1984-1986 that PB&Js were all I ate – three times a day.
I’m allergic to a lot of things. Cats and dogs make my nose go nuckin’ futs. Condoms. Can’t wear ’em – been that way my whole life so if we end up in the back of my Chevy S10, don’t even ask me to put one on. It’s a condition. But, I just can’t imagine being allergic to peanuts.
I would like to use my platform here on SoBros Network to raise awareness for peanut allergies and raise money to help them. If you don’t have enough to support peanut allergies, but want to reward me for being such a good activist, you can send money to the SoBros Network on PayPal and Stoney will give it to me, or I’ll threaten him with a knife again like the time I threatened him with a knife on Myrtle Beach to get this job.
Check out my whole list of articles here. I can’t believe this dumb company keeps paying me for this shit.
Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo
Check out the SoBros Shop. Become a Patron. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
Image courtesy of Tom Hermans on Unsplash!
