Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, Stoney and Stan team up to offer their three locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros Gambling Picks.
Stan’s Picks
Rule #1: fade the shit out of my picks. I couldn’t hit water if I fell out of a boat and my bank account reflects it! If this weekend is a repeat of last week, my child is going to find out what a college diet of ramen noodles is all about WAY earlier than he should have to. With that said, here we go:
Bengals +6 – Something about Joe Burrow says ‘I will not lose two games in a row.’ Yes, he is on the Bengals. Yes, they stink, but the Browns will be the Browns.
Green Bay -6 – Just feel like the dropped pass to win last week is going to be telling of the Lions’ season. I think Matt Patricia is going to be on the hot seat VERY soon and it starts with a loss this week!
Syracuse +21.5 – Lost my shirt on these guys last week when it looked like a sure thing going into half. Fool me once, shame on me. Fools me twice, I will keep betting you until you finally cover!
Stan is the Chief of Debauchery for SoBros Network. A native of the Northeast, he is a diehard fan of the New York Yankees, but no, he does not wear a big gold chain and backwards hat. Nor does he drink Heinekens. Follow on Twitter: @sobrostan.
Stoney’s Picks
Well, well, well – doesn’t it feel good to be back? Got myself a partner this year too, so shout out to Stan for stepping up and approaching me about doing a weekly picks column with me. We are back on that Tank the 401k bullshit, picking games, and talkin’ ball. Ya love to see it. Let’s enjoy it while we still have our sanity.
Seahawks -3.5 – Weird thing to say, but if Russell Wilson is quarterbacking the Dolphins, the Pats start the season 0-1. I think New England will be just fine on the season, and probably surprise some folks, but they’re still working this new offense out, and I don’t think they’ll be dynamic enough to score with that elite Seahawks offense. This’ll be a fun Sunday Night Football contest, but I’m saying Seahawks by a touchdown.
Louisville -2.5 – Give me the Cards, one of my dark horse CFP contenders, at home in the revenge game after Miami absolutely wrecked their shit a year ago. I’m a big believer in Scott Satterfield and that big-play offense.
Bills -5.5 – I love the competitive spirit we saw out of the Dolphins in Week 1, but this Bills team is built to go on the road and win. If Josh Allen plays out of his mind like he did against the Jets, this Bills team is a legit Super Bowl contender. I think that defense absolutely flattens the Dolphins this weekend.
Season Stats
- Stan’s W-L: (0-0) – 0%
- Stan Last Week: (0-0)
- Stoney’s W-L: (0-0) – 0%
- Stoney Last Week: (0-0)
- SoBros W-L: (0-0) – 0%
- SoBros Last Week: (0-0)
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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