Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter.
Question:
A few questions:
— sobrostan (@sobrostan) October 15, 2020
1) MFK – 2nd best columnist, 3rd best blog, Titans super bowl victory (I oddly know how you are going to answer)
2) How good of a dick day are you having after receiving all of the accolades?
3) When can I listen to Christmas music and not be judged?
Answer:
Stan bringin’ the outright HEAT on this week’s mailbag.
- I might throw a curveball at you here, Stan, but I’m going to kill ‘2nd best columnist.’ I can live without the individual accolades as long as the brand is going strong. I’m going to fuck a Titans Super Bowl victory, because I think I would be satisfied with one, even if it was the only one they won. Finally, I’m going to marry ‘3rd best blog’ because SoBros FOREVER.
- I gotta say…..the dick has never been better. Full on boner for the last 24 hours straight.
- Turn it on right this instant if you want to. Fuck the haters. That’s what Christmas is all about.
Question:
What food item should we make “Nashville Hot” next?
— Tom Hanks & the Guilty Pleasures (@SoBroCadbury) October 15, 2020
Answer:
I’m still eager to give Nashville hot coffee a try. I’m also going to throw in Nashville hot vanilla Hamburger Helper for those of you who caught my tweet about vanilla Hamburger Helper the other night.
Ultimately, I’m gonna go with Nashville hot mashed potatoes after getting some Nashville hot chicken grease on my mashed taters the other night. There’s potential there.
Question:
We’re #3! We’re #3! What are the best 3’s in the world?
— Steven McCash (@MC_Cash75) October 15, 2020
Mine: Dale Murphy, Toy Story 3, Little Pigs, Dog Night
Answer:
That’s all well and good, Steven McCash. But, the cold hard truth here is that there is one…and only one…#3 that ever mattered and ever will matter and that’s the fucking Intimidator Dale Earnhardt, by gawd.
Question:
what are we thinking as far as decorations for SoBroBees?
— Lady May Queen (@brittbutspooky) October 15, 2020
Answer:
The severed heads of our enemies?
Too extreme? Probably. Shit, I don’t think we even have any enemies. I definitely need to reel that one in a little bit.
I think every SoBro should have his/her own wall in SoBrosBee’s to decorate in a way that pays tribute to the individuality of all the creative people on this team. And, also, plenty of oil paintings of Paul Heggen and Dennis Kelly.
Question:
I’ve only had one haircut this year which is rare. I’ve been rocking the Covid Caveman. What style do you recommend I do with my longer luscious locks?
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) October 15, 2020
Answer:
I think you just let it go, Patrick. Middle parts are in right now.
Fuck, who am I kidding? Middle parts have been in since the 90s! They never went away! Just let that shit grow, slick it back, and let the locks fall where they may. That’s authenticity, man – that’s what we need in 2020. Rock it.
Question, from Olivia on Facebook:
FMK: guac, salsa, queso.
Answer:
Killing queso is the easiest decision I may have ever made on the mailbag. I don’t hate queso….it just does nothing for me, really. I’m gonna fuck salsa because I just can’t live without guac. That would be a horrible existence – so, definitely tying the knot with guac there.
Question, from Tyler on Facebook:
If you fold a slice of pizza in half is it a quesadilla?
Answer:
I’m gonna rule this one a ‘no,’ because even if you fold the slice of pizza in half, it’s still NOT a tortilla. That’s gotta be the defining property of the quesadilla, right?
I’m gonna turn the turntables on you, Tyler. If you put pizza toppings on a tortilla and put it on the grill for a little bit, is it a pizza or a tostada? We did this at a family gathering not too long ago and it was phenomenal but my brain was in a pretzel trying to figure out how to categorize it.
Question:
Will you now use “you are getting some best columnist dick” in the bedroom?
— sobrostan (@sobrostan) October 15, 2020
Answer:
Of course – that’s the line that seals the deal if you know what I mean. But, shit man – why limit it to the bedroom?
I’m putting this shit on my Christmas cards….gonna update my resumé with it, put it on my tombstone…the whole nine yards.
Get this best columnist dick.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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