Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, Stoney and Stan team up to offer their three locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros Gambling Picks.
Stan’s Picks
To say I am lost right now is an understatement. Another week like the last and I might change the name of this to #fadestans401k. Also another week or two like the last and I might have to explain to my wife that Christmas is canceled. Anyway, for your entertainment and my misery, the show goes on!
Clemson -27 – How do you bounce back? Go to what’s near and dear to your heart. Don’t let me down, fellas. I mushed them last time I bet them.
Auburn -3 – Feels like a trap game. But I am a broken soul. I am a mouse running towards the cheese. Hopefully the trap here at least makes my death quick and painless. Full decapitation instantly.
Browns +4 – Never thought I would be in a position to take the Browns. Ever. But here we are.
Hopefully, Big Natural just fades me so someone here is a winner. Also, does anyone know a bookie who takes IOU’s? If so, get at your boy.
Stan is the Chief of Debauchery for SoBros Network. A native of the Northeast, he is a diehard fan of the New York Yankees, but no, he does not wear a big gold chain and backwards hat. Nor does he drink Heinekens. Follow on Twitter: @sobrostan.
Stoney’s Picks
This is what good teammates do. Earlier in the season, I had a catastrophic week, but Stan saved our group score. Last week, those roles were reversed. But, we’re still out here winning on the season. That’s what we do. That’s what this whole thing is about. LFG.
Vols -6 – Kentucky has to be one of the more disappointing teams in the SEC so far. Maybe we’re all overreacting to that Georgia beatdown, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that this Vols team is still pretty damn solid. I like ’em against the Wildcats by a touchdown.
Packers -1 – Something about this one just doesn’t feel right, I know. According to Vegas Insider, 91% of the money coming in on this one is coming in on the Packers. That should usually be a giant red flag. The foxes in the desert ’bout to take ALL our money. But, I like the Packers a lot coming off of a bye. Between the way Aaron Rodgers and that offense is playing and how shaky the Bucs looked last week, I’ll take -1. You wouldn’t normally expect Brady to have back to back duds, but I think there are some major chemistry issues with that Bucs offensive line. Maybe it ain’t a blowout, but I think it’s a clear dub for the Pack.
Rams -3 – Yikes. The San Francisco 49ers are in rough shape. It seems like the injuries finally caught up with ’em, and the Miami Dolphins absolutely bent them over the barrel and showed ’em the 50 states last week. What happens when a much better Rams team comes to town? I think they run wild.
SEASON STATS
- Stan’s 2020 W-L: (6-6) – 50%
- Stan Last Week: (0-3)
- Stoney’s 2020 W-L: (7-5) –58%
- Stoney Last Week: (2-1)
- SoBros 2020 W-L: (13-11) – 54%
- SoBros Last Week: (2-4)
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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