Turns Out, Mayor Bob Was Actually a Big Piece of Shit

In a shocking turn of events, "Big Natural" Stoney Keeley realizes that one of his childhood heroes was actually one of the biggest clout chasing losers of all time.

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My whole life is a fucking lie. I thought of a funny article idea this morning about how the mayor, Mayor Bob, from Doug, was the only politician that I ever truly trusted. Thought it might get a laugh or two, we’re right here comin’ up on election day so it would’ve been relevant, and I’m always up for a trip down Memory Lane…especially one that involves some Doug talk (definitely on the Mount Rushmore of Nicktoons, imo).

So, I looked up a little bit of info on Mayor Bob just to refresh my memory a bit. I found the Doug wiki on Mayor Bob, and what I uncovered was truly and ghastly shocking:

“Mayor White is a cheery and friendly man, but is notoriously unhelpful, in terms of helping the town of Bluffington. He’s more interested in telling others to vote for him, rather than giving them legitimate reasons for his election. As an example, after revealing his plan to “beautify Bluffington”, citizens complained of trash and pollution, which only made the situation worse. He openly hates people who he knows didn’t vote for him. Once, he (oddly and unfairly) fired the English teacher, Ms. Krystal, when his son said she didn’t vote for him in the last election. (Realistically, a principal cannot fire a teacher, only the school board can.)”

I can’t fucking believe it. Why did I ever think this was a good dude? Is this the Mandela Effect? I don’t ever really know what is and what isn’t. Maybe I should try to understand it a little bit better before I go throwing it into articles of journalism all willy nilly like that. Can anyone corroborate that for me? Or, am I just an idiot (don’t actually answer that, please)?

My whole adult life, I’ve been quoting Mayor Bob’s famous catchphrase “vote for me.” All as a tribute to this man….I feel like Ja Rule…..bamboozled. Please don’t sue me for making a F*reF*st joke again.

I completely forgot the whole storyline where Tippi Dink becomes mayor, and honestly, now that it’s all coming back to me, I say “hell yeah – Tippi Dink for life.” AND, he threw Doug under the bus for the ice cream factory meltdown? Totally whiffed on that one, too. Fuck that guy!

It’s a sad day when I have to do journalism like this – it never feels good, but I always have to remind myself of my responsibility to look after the good of the people and report the facts.

The facts state that Mayor Bob was a clout-chasing tool, and I hope he’s dead in cartoon hell.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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