I have some devastating news to report this morning. There will be no eatin’ good in the neighborhood for SoBros Network. That’s right – the dream of us acquiring the old Hermitage Applebee’s and turning it into SoBros HQ (aptly named ‘SoBrosBee’s’) is officially dead. D. E. A. D. DEAD! R.I.P. – it was fun while it lasted. But, news broke yesterday afternoon that that building would soon be occupied by Whataburger.
Courtesy of the Nashville Post:
Whataburger, which ranks among the nation’s top 10 burger-and-fry-focused fast-food chains in terms of sales, has chosen Nashville for its first Tennessee location since having left the state years ago.
The San Antonio-based privately held regional company preps to open at 5055 Old Hickory Blvd. in Hermitage, according to a document submitted to Metro.
I’ve never felt so alone in my life. The walls are closing in on me, and I’m trying to do everything in power to keep from slipping into a pit of despair.
I’ve never had Whataburger, and while I’m always excited to eat a good burger, and I do love seeing Nashville’s food scene thrive, I can’t help but feel like a small piece of me has died with this news. And, on top of that, I feel like everyone is excited about this news except for me. I am indeed the loneliest man in the world this morning.
I had saved up $300 to put down on that building. I scrapped my entire business plan for SoBros Network and rebuilt it based on getting into that old Applebee’s building. I donated a kidney. I started selling typewriters door to door. I don’t even want to mention what I was doing to get an extra buck or two down in Printer’s Alley at 3AM. And, I donated enough sperm to populate a small country – I never got paid for that, but it really helped keep me going during trying times.
My point is that I had devoted my life, and $300 USD, to getting that old Applebee’s building, and yeah – it was taking some time, but I really feel like we would’ve had what we needed to move in by 2040. That was my projection. Just had to work hard, save money, and hold out until then.
Now, it’s back the drawing board for me. I have no idea what to do with all of the wine glasses and mugs I bought to open the bar with. I hired a janitor. I had already hired a contractor to go in and start converting it into offices and podcast studios. I e-mailed Gordon Ramsay about coming up with some new SoBros-inspired entrees like the Big Natural Italian Sausage Pad Thai, the #VicksFlicks Veal, McCashew Fettucine Alfredo, and the Rooster Burger. Big dreams, guys….big dreams. And, now it’s all ruined.
To those of you who have checked in on me during this difficult time, I thank you. To everyone else, I hope you’re all happy with your stupid Whataburger.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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