In case you missed it, the Detroit Lions have filled their head coaching vacancy by hiring Dan Campbell. Campbell previously served as Assistant to the Regional Manager….I’m sorry, Assistant to the Head Coach and Tight Ends Coach for the New Orleans Saints from 2016-20. Prior to that, he had rather inspired run as the interim head coach for the Miami Dolphins in 2015. Some folks were surprised that the Dolphins didn’t give him a more serious look at head coach after that, but them’s the breaks sometimes in professional sports.
Nonetheless, Campbell bided his time under Saints head coach Sean Payton (who was also Campbell’s coach when he was a player for the Saints in 2009), and now the Lions are giving him the reins to take over.
And, if you didn’t know what a football guy Dan Campbell is before today, well then folks, you certainly know after his introduction speech.
S/o new Lions HC Dan Cannibal
— Will Compton (@_willcompton) January 21, 2021
If this doesn’t make you want to eat the shit out of someone then I don’t know what will pic.twitter.com/pgN1hVdPSc
What a wild thing to say! And, he says it so calmly that it’s unsettling. Like, this isn’t some unhinged lunatic spouting off nonsense. This a man who is calmly talking about eating people’s kneecaps as if it’s something he’s really been mulling over for the last five years.
What’s he’s saying – let’s not mince words here – is that the Lions are going to become a team of sociopaths. That’s what this is. Dan Campbell is not here to feed the media bullshit – he even said it if you can find the longer version of this press conference. He said he’s not one for coach-speak – he’s out for blood, and he wears it across his chest with pride. He could’ve said, “gee golly gosh! We’re gonna hit hard!” Nope – that wasn’t good enough. “We’re gonna fuckin’ eat your knees off of your legs, and we’re gonna smile about it, pussies.”
That’s Dan Campbell. Also, I love that he’s already appealing to the people of Detroit, a city that has perennially been shit on by its football team, despite having one of the most underrated quarterbacks of the last decade in Matthew Stafford. He told people this team was going to take on the mindset of its city. But, if eating knees is how they roll in Detroit, I don’t know that I want to visit. Campbell might be doing a disservice to the tourism industry up there.
Listen, I know I sound like I’m being super condescending in this post, and that’s just because I think it’s funny. But, in all honesty, I love the energy. Give me some “eat-his-children” Mike Tyson shit all damn day. I can ride or die with that shit.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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