One of the biggest shams in the world is Monday. They never warn us about Monday when we’re growing up. There’s absolutely no preparation for it – we just grow up one day and then BOOM – we realize that Mondays are the fucking worst.
I mean, yeah – you could be optimistic and say that if you really love what you do and love your life, Mondays are nothing. But, I choose to live realistically, Karen. No one is optimistic or happy in the current climate of the world in 2021.
So, since today is one of the worst Mondays of the year for me (I’m returning to work after a two-week holiday absence), I figured this would be an opportune time to recap the worst of the worst – the worst Mondays on the calendar. Because that’s what I do as a journalist – I rank things and write about them on my degenerate website.
The Worst Mondays of All Time
5. The Monday after Thanksgiving – It’s awful. You get an extra couple of days off. You spend it getting right in that sweet spot between feeling festive and not yet being jaded by the holiday stress. And, then – BOOM – just like that, it’s Monday, and you’re reminded that you’ve got a month to go before you can check out for that no man’s land of time and space that is Christmas through New Year’s Day.
4. The Monday after Memorial Day – I’m going with Memorial Day here because it’s the official unofficial kickoff to summer time. Usually, by the time Memorial Day rolls around, we’ve all been cooped up in our houses for so long that we’re just dying for some summertime activities. That’s why Memorial Day is on this list – it’s just a tease. We get a nice little taste of summer and then before you know it, you’re back at your desk contemplating stapling your tongue to your desk.
3. The Monday after vacation – It’s kinda like coming back to work after the holidays, but the difference between the two is that vacation in the middle of the year usually makes you feel refreshed and ready to take on the world. Hard to get a tan in January, y’know?
2. The Monday after the Super Bowl – Not only are you more than likely literally hungover, but you’ve also got that terrible food hangover too. You know the one – when you stuff your gut full of wings and cocktail shrimp and the result is a fireball in your chest and a hell of a mess in the bathroom. The Super Bowl exacts a toll on your body. Why can’t we just make it a national holiday already?
1. The Monday after the holidays – This is where I’m at right now. I’m sitting clocked into a menial desk job after taking two weeks off to rest, bury my face in holiday food, and drink my way to an early grave. The last thing I want to do right now is try to get back into the routine. Just let me sit and wallow in how sad it is that this wonderful time of the year is over with and we have nothing but seasonal depression look forward to.
Ugh. Fuck Mondays.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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