Alvin Kamara Hit Us With an All-world NASCAR Dilemma

Alvin Kamara has come up with the perfect nightmare scenario for losing the Daytona 500.

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We’ve made it like nine days into the offseason, and NFL players are already presenting existential scenarios to the Twitterverse. That’s right – Super Bowl LV is barely in the books. Tom Brady is probably still drunk being escorted out of boat parties. And, New Orleans Saints certified stud Alvin Kamara has shooketh the atmosphere with this terrifying apocalyptic “what if” from the world of Jeff Gordon and NASCAR.

My head hurts and I have no idea what to do with myself right now. This just blew the backside of my mind out. What do you do in that situation? WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!

This is anxiety getting the better of me. I am not a NASCAR racer. In all likelihood, I never will be. At the very least, it would come as a massive surprise if at any point in my life, I was in the lead of the Daytona 500 with one lap to go. But, yet – I still feel the anxious weight of the world on my shoulders just envisioning this scenario.

This is a tragedy. Was it Alvin Kamara or William Shakespeare that presented this scenario to us?

This is a lesson in keeping your eyes on the prize. You have to stay focused on your goals. You can’t pee….ever…not even a little bit. Not when you have Jeff fucking Gordon on your heels, comin’ for the Daytona 500 you’ve busted your ass to win for your entire life. If you’re not first you’re last – remember that. You’re either doin’ donuts and fuckin’ on the racetrack, or you’re soaking in a swamp of your own piss. What’s it gonna be?

It’s what we’re all afraid of, right?! We’re on the brink of our greatest success, only for the rug to be pulled out from under us. I’m glad Alvin gave us this lesson in philosophy today. Personally, I feel more well-equipped to mentally prepare for my day. I see you Jeff Gordon, and I’m not gonna give you an inch. I won’t even pee just a lil bit on this fine Tuesday.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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