Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, hit us with those mailbag questions @SoBrosNetwork on Twitter, email ’em to me anonymously at thesobrosnetwork@gmail.com.
Question:
@StoneyKeeley @SoBrosNetwork got an early mailbag question; if the sun is hot, why is space cold?
— Tyler (@trtidwell) March 16, 2021
Answer:
I’m going to take a wild guess at this before I Google it. I’m going to say that since space is a vacuum, there’s no way for the temperature to travel to…I don’t fucking know. Do we even know that the sun is real?
Okay, I Googled it. Courtesy of Popular Science:
Heat travels through the cosmos as radiation, an infrared wave of energy that migrates from hotter objects to cooler ones. The radiation waves excite molecules they come in contact with, causing them to heat up. This is how heat travels from the sun to Earth, but the catch is that radiation only heats molecules and matter that are directly in its path. Everything else stays chilly. Take Mercury: the nighttime temperature of the planet can be 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit lower than the radiation-exposed day-side, according to NASA.
Look at that. We learned something today. Thank you, Tyler.
Question:
What would you want to see as the next 30 for 30 story on Espn? Personally my 4th grade basketball team had a heck of a season worthy of shine.
— Patrick Criswell (@PatCrizzy) March 18, 2021
Answer:
You know what? We might could make that happen as a feature on SoBros Network, Patrick. Personally, for me….oh boy, y’all get ready for story time.
It would have to be the summer of kickball in Mount Juliet, Tennessee. It was 2006 – I was the third basemen for the Music City Lords of Apocalyptic Carnage. How the Mount Juliet Kickball League was able to even exist is beyond me – I think someone knew somebody that worked at the Mount Juliet Little League fields that let us in. I don’t know. But, every Sunday and Wednesday, it felt like everyone I knew was at the ball fields. We had something like 16 teams. It was organized. It was legit.
And, we were good. Fucking good. The problem is that we could never really get our shit together. We had co-captain’s. It didn’t work. We had too many people on the team, and too many egos to satisfy. There were arguments. Somehow, the team ended up divided into cliques. I’m telling you guys – it was high drama for a sophomore in college. But, we had a lot of underrated athletes, and I firmly believe we could hang with anybody in that league.
Sundays were reserved for double headers. Games at 3PM and games at 6PM, if I recall correctly. I always loved the night games because I felt like that’s when we played our best kickball, and there’s always just something about the field lights being on in the summer time that made it feel big. One fateful Sunday, we were set to play the worst team in the league, the Deep South Dark Chocolate, in the first half of our double-header, and then the undefeated Hitmen in the second half.
We end up losing to the worst team in the league. But, I remember the mood in the dugout that day, and all everyone was talking about was this Hitmen team that had taken the rest of the league to Poundtown. At one point, one of our captains turned to everyone and just said, “uhhh….guys….I know y’all are thinking about the Hitmen, but we have to win this game, too.” Didn’t matter – no one was focused on the Deep South Dark Chocolate. So, we lost that game because no one gave a shit. But, when they flipped those fucking lights on at night, it was a different story.
We’re in the bottom of the 9th inning, and we’re leading this vaunted Hitmen team, a team that no one had even come close to beating, 5-4. I don’t remember why…if our usual center-fielder was hurt, or what. But, we put Brandon Vick out in center field. People have always underestimated how athletic that motherfucker is. I saw the Hitmen dugout start to murmur and point. Sure enough, the next kicker fired it right out to the gap between center and left field. Brandon tracked that sumbitch down, running and catching it over the shoulder in stride. I was so jacked – I might’ve even tossed a little trash talk at the Hitmen….”try Brandon Vick again, motherfuckers!” Out one.
Then, the captain gets up to kick. Our roller was awesome….threw some jacked up curveball lookin’ roll at the guy and he bit on it. That thing ricocheted off his foot, to his left, and about six feet out of bounds. Your boy was spry back in the day. I remember making this play like it was yesterday. I chased it down, laid out for it, got my arms under it with maybe about five inches to spare before that thing hit the ground, pressed it against my face to maintain control, and then hit the ground hard. It was borderline scorpion position, and to this day, I can still feel and hear my neck crunching. But, I held onto that ball. I stood up, turned around, and saw the dugout, full of my Music City Lords of Apocalyptic Carnage teammates jumping up and down, eyes wide in disbelief, screaming at the top of their lungs. Out two – I knew we had to close it out, and this was a team entirely capable of going on a run out of nowhere, but it sure felt like in that moment, the game was over. I would later learn how right I was (apparently, the Hitmen were already discussing the possibility of trying to overturn the outcome of the game – yeah…stay tuned). Sure enough, the next kicker stepped up to the plate, popped the ball straight up into the air, and it came down in the arms of our first baseman. Unbelievable – the entire league had stopped around us and watched the game, and we did the unthinkable. Just after losing to the worst team in the league, we beat the best team in the league.
Of course, as I alluded to earlier – the Hitmen tried to call foul. They said we violated a substitution rule. I don’t remember what it was, and I don’t remember ever hearing of any sort of substitution rules prior to that game. I can’t remember if it was because we put Brandon in centerfield, or if it was because we put the guy that Brandon replaced in at third base for an inning so I could get a little rest (something about guys not being able to play more than one position?). But, they took it to the Kickball Board the week after Sunday’s slate of games. I didn’t go because I wasn’t on the board, but it is my understanding that the majority of the board acknowledged that we won the game, and felt like we deserved to have that win. But, since it was technically a violation of the rules, and the Hitmen would not shut up about it, the board eventually agreed to overturn the result of the game. The compromise, if I remember correctly, was that the game would just be thrown out…so, the Hitmen would NOT be credited with the win, but they wouldn’t be credited with the loss either. To this day, I hold it as a character mark against those involved. It was *ahem* some bitch shit. But, to be honest, in 2021, as I reflect back upon this, there’s no way we should’ve allowed it to happen. There should’ve been some clear organization of the rules and an understanding of them by each team captain. I would not have felt good about it, but I probably would have sided against the rule-breaking.
I remember showing up to the following Wednesday’s games….asking Bill, “what did they decide?” He replied, “we tried, but [REDACTED] simply would not stop talking about it, and threatened to cancel the entire season if we didn’t go along with it.” I said I wouldn’t support the decision, and I turned and walked out of the park. I didn’t play another game that season. Sure, there was the possibility that we’d get into the playoffs and make another run at ’em in the championship. But, at the time, it was about the principle of the matter. Of course, if I had been more mature and less emotional about it, I would’ve reminded myself that this was supposed to be fucking fun, hang time with the boys, and it was probably good for 2006 Stoney to keep getting that sort of exercise, but hey – we can’t fuckin’ time travel, can we? I have been known to be a little too competitive for my own good. The history books might not show it, but those that were there that night know the truth of what really happened when the Music City Lords of Apocalyptic Carnage played the Hitmen on a hot humid summer night in 2006.
*Narrator’s voice: “THIS is 30 for 30….”
Question:
Can you suggest your top 5 places to go and sightsee/walk/hike in Tennessee? We recently found Fall Creek Falls and I’m stunned by the fact such beauty is out there and we just don’t know about it.
— Dom “Warm Beer” Oxenham-Morris (@doxom85) March 18, 2021
Answer:
Fall Creek Falls is excellent – I haven’t been in a long time, but I have good memories there. I’d also throw Cummins Falls into the conversation. I spent many a warm summer day in Cookeville, hanging out with friends and jumping into the water.
For me, I think the be-all end-all is a trip to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Specifically, make the hike up to Clingman’s Dome and watch the sun set.
Nothing beats an afternoon hike, watching the sunset at Clingman’s Dome, and then venturing back into Gatlinburg for a cold pint at the Smoky Mountain Brewery before turning in for the night. That is primo relaxing time to me, my man. We try to do it at least once a year.
I’d put Lookout Mountain up there, too. I’ve actually been gettin’ the itch to go back down to Chattanooga for a weekend lately. It’s touristy, but Rock City is a lot of fun, and you can’t beat the views from their gardens. On the other side of the mountain, you’ll find Point Park. It is BEAUTIFUL, with a nice view of the city, a ton of history, and several trails sprawling out of it.
Aura and I have been known to make a day trip down to the Scenic City JUST to roam around Point Park for a little bit, grabbing a meal in Chattanooga, and heading back home. Can’t recommend it enough.
If you’re looking for something in the area that wouldn’t require a day of traveling, my go-tos around town are of course the greenway, Cedars of Lebanon, Sharp Springs Park in Smyrna, and Long Hunter State Park. There’s a paved track at Long Hunter that everyone goes to, but if you pay attention, there are some other trails spiraling out of there. Specifically, there’s one that’s a little less beaten path that’s 12 or so miles long and spits you out adjacent to the lake in several spots. Sharp Springs is a beautiful park – excellent for a round of frisbee golf – but don’t forget the bug spray because the mosquitos there are relentless. Finally, if I’m giving you stuff you’ve already heard of, be sure to check with our friend Cadbury for some more deep-cut trails. He’s definitely way more qualified to speak on this than I am. We’ve been discussing a SoBros group hike for years!
THIS WEEK’S SECRET TOP FIVE
5. Sweet Aromatic
4. Honey Bourbon
3. Dark Stout
2. Honey Rum
1. Russian Cream
Last week’s Secret Top Five: My top five nu-metal albums – no one even guessed.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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