The Masters is set to begin tomorrow live from the hallowed ground that is Augusta National Golf Course down in Augusta, Georgia. I won’t pretend that that means anything to me (I’m going to be watching WrestleMania), or that I can write a lick of golf talk that actually makes sense. I’m just here to talk about this absurd Masters menu that has been making the rounds on Twitter this week.
It's time for one of our favorite games. You're at @TheMasters and have $15 to spend on concessions. How are you spending it? #themasters pic.twitter.com/xqr163leP5
— Caddie Network (@CaddieNetwork) April 6, 2021
They just don’t make ’em like this anymore, folks. Is this the damn biggest golf tournament on the planet? Or, is this another Sunday afternoon at the Lebanon Flea Market? I can’t tell anymore. I can’t even tell if this is a real shot of the menu or not. Let’s face it – it’s 2021, and you can never tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. Did someone deepfake a Masters menu? Who’s to say? Anyway, we all know why this is so cheap – it’s because I’m pretty sure you have to donate a kidney just to get into the Masters. You pay for those ticket prices, the least they can do is throw some crackers at you for a dollar. That grilled chicken wrap sounds wonderful, but it is way too rich for my blood. Three United States dollars? What do I like? Like I’m made of money? Real talk – I haven’t had a pimento cheese sandwich in ages, and now I’m craving one.
To answer the question from this tweet, by the way, I’m going three domestic beers, some peanuts, and a Georgia peach ice cream sandwich because that just sounds lovely. Also, I’m probably going to dehydrate on the golf course and create a scene because of this as well. You know they won’t let you get shitfaced at Augusta National. That’s why you show up to Augusta National already shitfaced, and you just drink the three domestic beers to keep the buzz going. Veteran move – keep up, rookies.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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