So, this came up on a recent episode of Phone It In. We actually recorded the week before this one, but 40 minutes into the show, my entire MacBook crashed. In that show that will unfortunately never see the light of day, Rooster and I chatted for at least 15 minutes about general waste removal practices. I had never really thought about it, but apparently, getting rid of your own trash by taking it to a government facility isn’t really a thing out there in San Diego. I can confirm from talking to my fiancé that it’s also not really a thing up in New Jersey….in Jersey, it’s actually government-regulated, so they don’t even have to fool with finding a waste removal service of their choosing. Well, down here in the country, on the outskirts of Nashville, we have to either pay the trash man, or we have to load up our vehicles with trash and drive it down to chuck it in the big dumpsters at a facility known simply as “the dump.”
I used to hate the dump. I have a quick gag reflex, and the smell of garbage always triggers it, so I hated doing it. Any time I had to help my dad with the trash growing up, I would nearly throw up….every time. He used to think it was hilarious while I was trying to keep my guts inside my body. I guess over time, it got a little bit better. The smell still bothers me, but not nearly as bad as it used to. I think part of it is just that mental toughness born out of knowing I have to go to the dump or else trash will pile up in my house. But, I actually kind of enjoy going to the dump now. It’s a place where anything can happen.
You never know what you’re going to find, and while the signs say “no scavenging,” I think the dudes that work there are pretty lenient. I mean, I’ve never brought something home from the dump, but I can definitely remember my dad doing it when I was a kid if he found the right item. I got the itch a couple of weeks ago, though. I’m a new homeowner, so I’m in need of virtually everything at this point. I needed a good bucket, and I saw some man chuck a perfectly good plastic bucket into the big furniture dumpster. I gave half a mind to going in after it, but thought that might not be the most sanitary course of action to take. Instead, I opted to just buy one at Lowe’s later in the week. Also saw a whole ass lawnmower in the metal bin a week later. My point is that you just never know what you’re going to come across at the dump.
There’s even a man there that sells sausage sometimes. That’s right – every now and then, you’ll drive by the dump, and there will be a sign on the fence…”sausage for sale.” It’s literally just a piece of cardboard with words written in Sharpie. But, apparently, one of the men there has access to farm fresh sausage and you can buy it from him at the dump. You just can’t beat it – throw out your trash, find a bucket, buy some sausage, and even see some tiddies – all at the dump.
Oh, that last one…yeah. That’s right. The last time I went to the dump, I accidentally saw some tiddies. I had to park behind the recycling dumpster because some lady took up the entire lane. So, a different lady in a tank top with no bra on was bent over sorting through her recycling when I walked around the corner, and folks – nothing was left to the imagination. She didn’t even try to cover up. Just started laughing. I was mortified and practically ran to throw my aluminum cans in the dumpster and get back to my car. For some reason, I told my fiancê about this, and she STILL does not care to go to the dump. If that won’t do the trick, I don’t know what will.
Anyway, I’m not sure where you guys are reading from, but my greatest hope as I contemplate today’s topic of discussion is that you’ll all get to experience the glory of going to the dump one day.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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