Big news coming out of Nashville over the weekend, as apparently, some man took off his colostomy bag at Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Fuck and Stankhouse over the weekend. It’s like Kid Rock’s was MADE for something like this. So, let’s break it down on the latest edition of “that’s so Nashville!”
male took off his colostomy bag and started swinging it at others, some units have feces on them; this is third time i’ve heard this colostomy bag guy past two nights…
— Nashville Scanner (@ScanNashville) May 1, 2021
Nashville, baby! We are BACK like we never left! Like the last year didn’t even happen. Hell, we are getting wild enough now to make up for all that lost time with the early days of the covid lockdown. And the heart of it? The eye of the storm? Where the fuck else?!?! Ground freaking zero?!?! Kid Rock’s! I’ve never been – full disclosure – but I read this story and think, “damn, that sounds like the place to be.” At one point, we had discussed a SoBros team venture down to Kid Rock’s to see what the shit show was all about and write about it. I read this story, and it kind of reignites that desire to do so. So, this is essentially effective advertising.
It’s so effective, actually, that it makes me wonder if Kid Rock orchestrated this whole thing as a PR stunt. Like, the stuff that comes out of that building sometimes is unbelievable. What if they’re crafting that narrative on purpose? Someone said, “hey, let’s have a guy fling his shit all over the place and we’ll have EVERYONE writing about Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honkyfuck and Stankhouse.” What’s next? They’re going to turn a bobcat loose in the building and say it belongs to one of their virtuous patrons?
There are a ton of questions surrounding this story – what triggered this event? Why did this man decide this restaurant needed shit flung in it? How have they not wrangled this guy up if this is the third time ‘colostomy bag guy’ has struck? But, we learn not to ask questions. Some things you see on Broadway defy the laws of physics and nature. Some things need not answering. And, some things can’t be unseen. We just learn to live with what Broadway does to us.
We talk about how Nashville is growing all the time (Nashville is much more than country music, y’all). But, I don’t know that we talk about the nuance of the different types of Nashville we’re building. In some parts of town, we’re building what is essentially a playground for the bougie elite…other parts are upscale frat houses…and in some parts, we’re just doubling down on the freak show. Broadway is pretty much a circus now. I don’t know if I love it or hate it. As someone who blogs about the crazy shit that happens here, it’s good for business and I love to see it. But, as someone who would like to clock out and enjoy a nice dinner without having human feces flung on me…that’s a different story. As someone who would like to enjoy a little bit of the big city vibe while also enjoying a laid back atmosphere….yeah, I don’t know how I feel about it all (side note: has the era of “laid back Nashville” passed? Maybe another topic for another day). Regardless, at this point, Kid Rock should put a big ol’ disclaimer on the door – “you might get shidded on or encounter a live bobcat in here. Patriots only. Bawitdaba.”
If you don’t love this town, leave it! If you don’t love this town and you stay here, someone’s going to throw their literal shit at you!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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