Listen, nobody embodies the ‘to each his own’ spirit better than I do. I’m not here to judge. I won’t tell you how to live your life. None of that here at SoBros Network. But, I just want to offer my opinion on something that, quite frankly, I don’t understand. I don’t get it, and it disgusts me. That’s not to say that things I don’t understand disgust me…that’s just to say that this particular phenomenon is something that grosses me out and I can’t for the life of me fathom the appeal of such a thing. There are people out there, my own fiancé…the love of my life…being chief among them, that will eat ranch dressing on their pizza. That’s right – that Hidden Valley bullshit….right there on top of a Hot N’ Ready….ruining the masterpiece of the great artist, Little Caesar. Anyway, this phenomenon was recently the butt of a joke in a viral Tik Tok about drunk white girls dousing their shit in ranch dressing.
This is actually how drunk white girls eat pizza pic.twitter.com/pUDtC7x8of
— Total Frat Move (@totalfratmove) April 29, 2021
Whew – I had to fight through that clip. Thankfully, I am a brave soul. I only puked in my mouth a little bit. I even laughed a bit because it’s just oh so extra. But, here’s my point here today, folks – if ranch on pizza makes you happy, then you should pursue that happiness. I just want you to stop and think about it. Just because we can, does that mean we should? I believe it was the great Jeff Goldblum that once posed this question. Pizza is already unhealthy enough – you have bread…cheese….some greasy ass meats…why do you want to add ranch to that? That is just asking for trouble. Not to mention, that combination of flavors tastes like you dipped a sweaty gym sock into sour milk. Is this what the human race has come to in 2021?
Where do we draw the line? Ranch on pizza is like a gateway to mayonnaise on pretzels, or barbecue sauce on cupcakes? What about hollandaise on bare feet? That’s a little sexual – that’s not the direction I meant to take this post. Let me get back on track real quick. Actually, I’m too far gone at this point. I don’t even know what this post is about anymore.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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